Forever and Ever
by ladylily101
Summary: Lily falls for Sirius before she falls for James. James does not appreciate this. Don't worry, will end up as a LilyxJames. Eventually... Also: Regulus Black has an evil plan to wipe out the muggleborns at Hogwarts. Which includes Lily. :-O
1. Chapter 1: The First Encounter

**AN: This story is probably going to alternate POVs between Lily and James, and depending on how the story progresses, maybe Sirius too. Also, part of the conversation in the train is basically directly from page 671 in _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,_ so please, J. K. Rowling, don't sue me. I'm quoting you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lily Evans, James Potter, Sirius Black, etc, etc.**

Chapter 1: The First Encounter

**Lily's POV:**

As I walked up to King's Cross Station, I wondered where Platform 9 3/4 was.

"Maybe we should ask one of the employees," my mother offered.

"Mum, don't be stupid, they won't know where the Hogwarts Express is. Oh, hey look, he's got an owl! He's probably a Hogwarts student!" I said, seeing a boy, about my age, with tousled hair and glasses, lugging his trunk and a cage with an owl in it.

I went up to him and his parents and asked if they knew how to Platform 9 3/4.

"Muggle-born, eh?" said the boy's mother, "Yes, come with us, we'll show you. James, be a dear and show, er…"

"Lily," I provided, "Lily Evans."

"Lily, then, nice to meet you, this is James Potter," she said, gesturing towards her son, "Well then, James, show Lily how to get to the Express."

Grinning in the way of a boy who liked being in the center of attention, James ran at a brick post between platforms 9 and 10.

Wincing in anticipation of the crash, I looked up after a moment to see James… gone!

"Here, Lily, I'll take you and your sister through," said Mrs. Potter, "And then your parents can come with my husband."

She walked forward, holding Petunia and me by the shoulders, and walked us right through the post.

"Wow," said Petunia, wide eyed, as my parents appeared on the platform with Mr. Potter.

"Lily! Lily! Oh, I've been looking everywhere for you!" said Severus, running up to me, Petunia pointedly turning her back.

"Hey Sev!" I cried, grinning, "Why didn't you help me get through the barrier?"

"Oh, darn, I forgot, Lily, it's just so normal for me, this magic stuff, you know? How'd you get through, anyway?" Severus asked.

"Another wizarding family," I replied.

"Well, come on, Lily, let's go get a compartment or they'll be none left!" Saying goodbye to my parents and Petunia, I followed Severus onto the train.

After peeking in a few full compartments, we found one that was partially empty, with only four boys inside. Recognizing one of them to be James Potter, I greeted them and told Severus that the Potters were the ones who had helped me through the barrier.

"Them!?" his eyes narrowed, "Potter's parents are so 'important' that their son's probably a stuck up git."

"Be nice," I teased, poking him.

We overheard the boys talking about what house they wanted to be in, so Severus and I started discussing it too.

"You'd better be in Slytherin," he told me.

"Slytherin?" James said, "Who wants to be in Slytherin, I'd leave, wouldn't you?"

For the first time I looked at the boys sitting with him. One was short, plump, and had a rather mouseish air about him. Another was taller, blond, and looked nice, like he'd be a good friend. The third had hair similar to James', except his was longer. He looked a bit uncomfortable.

"My whole family's been in Slytherin," the third boy muttered.

"Blimey," said James, "and I thought you seemed all right!"

The other boy grinned. "Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got a choice?"

Lifting an invisible sword, James said, "'Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!' Like my dad."

Beside me, Severus sniggered.

"Got a problem with that, Snivellus?" James said, the other boys laughing at the nickname, except for the tall, blond one.

"If you'd rather be brawny than brainy, be my guest," Severus sneered.

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" asked the third boy.

This time all four boys roared with laughter, and I looked at them with disgust.

"Come on, Sev, let's find another compartment." Their laughs echoed in my ears as we left.


	2. Chapter 2: A Note

**AN: Okay, three things. One: I like this so much I'm writing these first few chapters at once, two: I won't use any more direct text from the HP books, and three: I'm skipping ahead to their fourth year.**

Chapter 2: A Note

**Lily's POV:**

"Morning, Lily."

I scowled into my porridge as James Potter sat down next to me.

"What do you want, Potter?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said, scooting into me. I scooted down the bench.

"Now, now, we can't have that, can we?" joked Sirius, sitting down on the other side of me. Sirius scooted into me so that I'd be squished between him and James. As his wrist brushed mine I felt an electric shock go through my body. But then James scooted into me, and ruined the moment.

Thinking for a moment, I scooted closer into Sirius. Electric jolts seemed to go through me at his every movement.

But James scooted in again, and Sirius announced, "Be careful, Prongs, or Evans here will end up in my lap trying to get away from you!"

I blushed, as that was exactly where I had been hoping I might end up. But still, being this close to Sirius made my heart melt anyway.

"I have to go," I said, still blushing.

**James' POV:**

As Lily walked off, I asked Padfoot, "What did I do wrong this time?"

"You're probably rushing this a bit, mate," Moony had answered for him.

"Oh, I know," I sighed, "But she's just so pretty! Why doesn't she like me? All the other girls fawn over me."

"Oh, she's seen through the fact that you're a big-headed git," Sirius answered, like he always did, "Maybe you should act more normal around her."

I drifted into my thoughts, thinking of every time I had seen Lily, every time I had tried to get her to like me, every time I had failed.

"Well, y'see mates I… seize up around her or something," I told Moony, Padfoot, and Wormtail, "And all I can be is a, as Padfoot so eloquently puts it, a 'big-headed git.'"

Wormtail started to laugh but when he saw our impressions he shut up at once.

"Well, you're going to have to work on that, eh?" said Moony.

Not knowing what to say, I gave a noncommittal grunt.

"Come on, Prongs," said Padfoot, "We've got to go so we can be late for Transfiguration."

This made me laugh, and we walked off to class.

During Transfiguration, Lily passed me a note. I stared at her, wide-eyed, until I noticed who it was for.

"Here, Padfoot, Lily's passing you notes."

Reading over his shoulder, I saw that Lily wanted to talk to Padfoot, alone, during lunch.

Walking out of class, I asked him, "What d'you think she wants?"

"I dunno," he replied, "But I'm gonna find out, and I don't want you guys to come with me, it might be important, and you might scare her off."

I began to protest, but Padfoot interrupted me. "What if she's going to profess her undying love to you but doesn't know how to do it so she wants my help?"

That shut me up.


	3. Chapter 3: A Profession of Undying Love

**AN: Wow! Three chapters at once! I'm really liking this story!**

Chapter 3: A Profession of Undying Love 

**Lily's POV:**

As I waited down by the lake for Sirius, I wondered if this was such a good idea after all. But when I saw him walking down without his friends, my confidence went up and I decided that today would be the day I told him.

"You wanted to see me?" he asked. My heart beat faster, and my next words came out as a stutter.

"Y-y-yeah." I said, surprised he couldn't hear my heart beating.

"So?" he raised an eyebrow, and I remembered I had told him I had wanted to talk about something.

"Well, er, Sirius…"

**Sirius' POV:**

"That's my name, yes." I replied, making Lily smile.

"Well, er, you see," she said nervously, but I waited, patiently, for her to say what she wanted to, "I know James really likes me, but I think he's a git, and anyway, I'd rather…"

As she trailed off, I started wondering why she wanted to tell me what she thought of Prongs – I knew that already. But she walked up to me, looked up into my face, and began to inch forward. We were only inches apart, and I thought, _This conversation is not going in a good direction at all_.

"…I'd rather," she continued, her face now only centimeters from mine, "be with his best mate."

Then she began kissing me, and to my surprise, I was kissing her back.

**AN: Sorry that that was so short... But anyway, I'm going to stop here for now until I get some reviews – I have the next chapter written, but I want to see what you guys think of the story so far.**


	4. Chapter 4: An Argument

**AN:** **Well, I might have waited longer, just to be evil (XP), but I'll be nice and publish this now. I had to rework it from the original chapter, and so it's a bit longer than most of my others, but I think you'll like it. It shows a lot of, I dunno, growth or something in the character's personalities.**

Chapter 4: An Argument

**James' POV:**

"Look, Prongs, I'm sorry, it just happened."

Ignoring Padfoot, I continued to plow through my 14 inch Charms essay.

"She was the one kissing me, alright?"

"Padfoot, shut up!" Moony was coming to my defense now.

Padfoot, momentarily shocked at Moony's choice of words (he never said shut up if he could help it) continued apologizing.

Finally, I got tired of sitting there and started shouting at Padfoot.

"Look, Padfoot, I was watching from a window! I saw you snogging her!"

"But-" He began to protest, but I plowed on.

"'She was the one kissing me!'" I imitated his voice, "Well, maybe at first, but you could have broken away quickly! You were snogging her back and you were at it for a few minutes!"

**Sirius' POV:**

"Well maybe Lily doesn't like you, and she likes me!" Prongs was surprised at my outbreak, and narrowed his eyes, "And I can't helping if I like her back. So deal with it. Give up on her. She's never going to like you, James."

I could hardly believe what was coming out of my mouth. Yesterday, before the kiss, I couldn't have cared less about Lily. It wasn't that I didn't think she was nice, or pretty, but I thought that she was just another girl.

But when she started kissing me, I knew why Prongs so relentlessly pursued her. Well, it wasn't just the kiss, but I remembered little quirks that she had, like biting her pinky nail when she was thinking, or the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed, and I thought that she was wonderful.

So now, I felt protective.

He began yelling louder. "I thought you were my best mate!"

"I thought I was too!" I yelled back.

"Well, best mates don't go snogging the other mate's girl!"

"She wasn't your girl, James!"

"Yeah, well, you knew I liked her, _Sirius_," he shouted, emphasizing the last word bitterly.

"Well, _Potter_, she thinks you're a git and will never, ever, love you."

He stared at me, astonished. We had often used our first names when we were mad at each other, but we had never stooped to last name level. I had cringed inwardly when I had said it.

Both breathing heavily, we glared at each other.

"Well,_ Black_," he said, pointing his head at someone behind me, "Have fun with your girl, then. 'Night, Moony, Wormtail."

I turned around, and realized that Lily had been standing behind me, her eyes wide with shock.

**3 minutes earlier, Lily's POV:**

As I walked up to the (what I hoped to be) deserted common room after an evening of studying in the library, I thought about what had happened that day.

Sirius had been kissing me back, yes, but when the kiss was over, he had broken away and walked off. What did that mean?

Lost in thought, I didn't hear the Marauders' voices until I had reached the Fat Lady's portrait.

"-from a window! ! I saw you snogging her!" James voice was clearly audible. He was shouting. How had I missed this? I listened more closely.

"But-" Sirius was protesting, but James continued.

"'She was the one kissing me!'" James imitated Sirius' voice as I crept quietly into the common room, "Well, maybe at first, but you could have broken away quickly! You were snogging her back and you were at it for a few minutes!"

They were talking about me.

"Well maybe Lily doesn't like you, and she likes me!" Sirius had suddenly started shouting back, "And I can't helping if I like her back. So deal with it. Give up on her. She's never going to like you, James."

No, I had never said that, this is going to tear their friendship apart! Oh, I didn't want this!

_Yes you did,_ a little voice in the back of my head whispered to me, _You wanted Sirius all to yourself, you wanted James out of the picture._

_Go away,_ I thought, as James started yelling again.

"I thought you were my best mate!"

"I thought I was too!" Sirius yelled back.

"Well, best mates don't go snogging the other mate's girl!"

Oh, no.

"She wasn't your girl, James!"

"Yeah, well, you knew I liked her, _Sirius_," he shouted.

"Well, _Potter_, she thinks you're a git and will never, ever, love you."

My eyes widened. Sirius called James "Potter?" But they were best mates. They _are_ best mates. I hoped.

They both stared at each other, and I thought for a moment that James' hand reached for a wand, but instead he lowered his voice and said one last remark.

"Well,_ Black_," he said, pointing his head at me, "Have fun with your girl, then. 'Night, Moony, Wormtail."

Sirius turned to find me, eyes wide, staring at him.

"Sirius, I- I'm so sorry," I managed after a few seconds.

"S'all right, Lily, s'all right," he murmured, coming over and hugging me.

"I'd best be off to bed, then," I said, quickly kissing Sirius and waving to Remus and Peter, not wanting them to see the tears that had formed in my eyes.

Once I was up in my dormitory, I began to cry quietly. Luckily the other girls were already asleep. I changed and crept into bed, and began to cry in earnest into my pillow.

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen, I thought. Sirius shouldn't have lost a friend, even if it was James.

What had I done?

**AN: So, what d'you think? Reviews are welcome (as always)!**


	5. Chapter 5: Mixed Feelings

**AN: Hopefully this has enough description for you, Maia. :P Also, I like what I wrote better towards the end of the chapter, but that's just me. Sorry that this doesn't have much action yet. I'm still shaping the way this fanfic's gonna go.**

Chapter 5: Mixed Feelings

**Lily's POV:**

I woke up the next morning, only to remember what had happened the night before. Feeling miserable, I was about to turn over to fall back to sleep, when I saw how little light there was outside. Maybe I could get some studying done, and then get down to breakfast quickly so I wouldn't have to see anybody.

But when I tiptoed down to the common room, someone was already there. I was about to head back upstairs when I saw that it was Sirius.

I walked in, and sat next to him. He jumped.

"Oh, morning Lily," he said, "You surprised me."

"Sorry," I replied, not really meaning that I was sorry for surprising him; I was apologizing for something else. Sirius knew what I meant.

"Lily, don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault."

"No, but that's just the thing, Sirius, it _is_ my fault." I started to cry again.

Sirius grabbed me in a hug and held me there, patting my back and murmuring words of comfort until I had calmed down. I looked up into his face, hating to see the sorrow from the loss of James there.

"Don't worry, Lily, everything will be all right," he said, and I sighed.

"But how?" at this point, I was just trying to keep him talking, so he wouldn't loosen his hold on me. As mushy-gushy as this sounds, I felt safe in Sirius' arms.

"I'm not sure, love, but everything will work out."

_Love_. He called me "love". If I was a fainting type of girl, I might have passed out then and there. But instead, I just continued to gaze up into his beautiful eyes.

We stayed there for what seemed like hours, until we heard someone coming down the stairs.

"I'd better go get dressed," I said, blushing. I was still in my pajamas, which were rather short and revealing. I gave Sirius a kiss, and went up to my dormitory.

**Sirius' POV:**

As Lily left, I gazed after her. She really was gorgeous.

Sighing, I turned back to my Charms paper. A few moments later I heard a very familiar voice.

"Oh, it's you."

James had apparently also come down early in the hopes of not seeing anyone.

"Morning." I mumbled, not wanting to speak to him.

He grunted, and started on his own homework. We sat in silence, and after a while, the tension was too much.

"Look James, if we're going to hate each other, can we at least be on speaking terms?"

"Sure," he said, after a moment's pause, "But we're not mates yet. You… Well, it'll take some time."

"Yeah, okay," I agreed, happy that at least he wasn't yelling anymore.

**James' POV:**

Sirius and I sat for a little while longer, and then I decided to get some breakfast. Of course, there was no one in the Great Hall yet, but the Marauders knew a way to get to the kitchens.

I walked down to the image of a fruit bowl and tickled the pear. The picture swung open, and a house elf appeared.

"What would you like today, Master Potter?" the elf asked. I was a regular.

"Pumpkin juice and treacle tart," I replied without hesitating.

After the elf had brought me my breakfast, I walked to a deserted classroom, and began to eat, brooding.

I had loved Lily since sometime second year, and she knew that, surely. I had been trying to ask her out for ages, every Hogsmeade trip, every possible event that would be good to have a date for. How could she be so heartless and go out with my best mate? And how could Sirius…

I stopped there. I knew I couldn't blame Sirius, although I was mad at him for not turning Lily down, because he knew how much I loved her; he had known since I had started loving her. He was the first one I had told.

After a while, I knew I'd just be happy because Lily was happy, but right now… Right now I had to endure the pain that had faded to a dull ache in my chest.

I sat there, staring at the wall, until I decided to get to class. As I walked into Transfiguration, Professor McGonigal looked surprised to see me. I was usually the last one in, accompanied by Sirius. This time, however, I was alone, and the first one in.

"Why, Mr. Potter, are you feeling all right?"

"M'fine, Professor," I managed.

"Well, 5 points for Gryffindor for your unusual punctuality, then." I started to grin, but it left my face as quickly as it had come. Lily had walked in. I felt the ache start to throb.

She glanced at me, then quickly looked away. I wondered why Sirius wasn't with her.

**Lily's POV:**

When I walked into Transfiguration, I was surprised to see James there. He usually came in with Sirius, didn't…

Then I remembered. At breakfast, with the happy, chattering, crowds oblivious to the situation in the Marauders, I had momentarily forgotten that James and Sirius had quarreled.

It felt awful to see him so upset, but then I remembered what a git he was and turned to face the front of the class.

Students filed in, and Sirius, surprisingly, was not late. Professor McGonigal started.

"Mr. Black, you and Mr. Potter both arrived on time today! What a surprise! Ten points to Gryffindor."

I saw James grin. Had he already gotten points for being early?

Sirius thanked McGonigal and came to sit next to me. My heart, miserable as it was, began to beat faster. I scooted into him, breathing in his smell of… well… Sirius.

Then, I felt his foot nudge mine under the desk. My heart beat faster, and I was worried it might break. He nudged my foot again, and this time, I nudged him back. We began playing footsie under the table, my heart beating so loud I was surprised no one else could hear it.

If I hadn't been telling myself to "Calm down, Lily, calm down," I might have started hyperventilating. As it was, I just swallowed every few seconds.

We were so engrossed in our game of footsie that when class started and Professor McGonigal announced, "Everyone up, wands out!" we didn't notice. Only when she said, "Please, Mr. Black, Miss Evans, I will have no public displays of emotion in my class," did we jump up and take out our wands, faces flaming. At least, my face was.

Everyone was giggling, but when I looked around, one face was not laughing. Three guesses who.

James was sitting there, eyes downcast, looking like he was in pain. Pity welled up where I had just felt embarrassment.

After class, I was going to go speak to James, when I heard him talking to Sirius.

"Look, Sirius, if you're going to 'display emotion' in front of me, we're going back to non-speaking terms."

My face flaming again, this time for different reasons, I didn't catch Sirius' reply. And instead of trying to talk to James, I walked past him, glaring, grabbed Sirius' hand, and stormed off.

**AN: Sorry to the people who are reading my other story, I'm just caught up in this one… I'll try and get back to it ASAP. Actually, I think I'll go back to that one soon so I can take a quick break from this one and formulate some more ideas. Plus, I want to know what my reviewers think!**


	6. Chapter 6: Depressed

**AN: Alright, I'm skipping to their sixth year now. I'd write more about fifth/fourth year, except I want the final bit to happen either at the end of sixth or seventh year, and I don't think I have enough ideas to write about their fifth year, too. This chapter's going to be about what's happened to people since fourth year, mostly James as he's undergone the largest change.**

Chapter 6: Depressed

**James' POV:**

It's been a couple years since Lily and Sirius got together.

Sirius and I are back on speaking terms, and the ache in my chest has lessened.

Still, whenever I see them holding hands, or snogging, my stomach gives an awful lurch, and my ache surfaces. It also tends to surface if I see Lily or hear her name. I've started eating less so I don't throw up.

I don't think Sirius has really noticed a change in me. He mostly spends time with Moony, Wormtail, and Lily. I try to avoid him. Even though we're back on speaking terms, I don't particularly want to talk to him, as the few times I've tried he's brought up the topic of Lily in the first ten seconds. On those occasions I felt like shouting, "Look, Sirius, that really doesn't help!" Not that he'd care.

Moony and Wormtail have noticed, though. Moony's always trying to feed me more at meals, which I grudgingly accept, and Wormtail has tried to get me to perform various pranks with him. But I'm more subdued than I used to be, so I don't help with the pranks.

The teachers have noticed my improved schoolwork and quietness. They know something's up, but I evade their questions.

Other classmates wondered what had happened for a few days until Sirius started joking around again. At first, they figured we had merely had a row; later, I think they just accepted the fact that I'm not the James I used to be. I don't think they even remember the old James anymore.

I'm not sure if Lily has noticed. I try to avoid her, in the hope that if I see less of her, I'll feel better.

It helps until I see her again, and then I feel worse.

**Lily's POV:**

I love Sirius.

I've been so happy since that first kiss. Sirius is wonderful.

Still, I can't help noticing what I've done to James. I think I might have broken his spirit when I… well… yeah.

James doesn't get asked out anymore. That's one of the weirdest parts. I don't think anyone even notices he exists. Well, Remus and Peter do, but he doesn't strive to be the center of attention anymore.

He's gotten skinnier, if that could be possible. He's not starving himself, but I think he might have almost lost the will to live; he's probably only not starving himself because Remus is always forcing food on him.

He's not a git anymore, but surprisingly I miss the old James. This one just sits and stares, or studies. He doesn't talk. I'd rather have a James that's a git than a James that's a zombie.

It doesn't help that he isn't sleeping well either. Remus tells me that James often stays down in the common room working for hours, and then when he finally comes up to the dormitories, it takes him ages to fall asleep. From lack of food, sleep, and smiles, he's developed a haunted look, that shouldn't be seen on a 50 year old, let alone an almost 17 year old. He doesn't even mess up his hair anymore.

I'd do anything to get the old James back.

**Sirius' POV:**

I am the luckiest person at Hogwarts.

I have a beautiful, smart, caring, wonderful girlfriend, two best mates, and am the most popular person in the school.

Sometimes I feel sorry that James is feeling so miserable, but I don't remember him, or see him, most of the time. I think he tries to avoid me.

**Remus' POV:**

I hate Lily Evans.

No, I take that back. I don't hate Lily. We're friends, but I try to stay away from the subject of James when I'm talking to her. Of course, she brings it up sometimes, and I answer as quickly as possible and then turn the subject away from him. Because that's the aspect of her that I dislike.

She's driven James into a depression that there is almost certainly no cure for. I keep him alive by forcing food on him and interesting him in his schoolwork, which seems to help until he sees Lily again, which happens frequently. I don't think he's smiled in months.

It feels like he's digging himself into a deep pit of despair, and I keep having to pour dirt back in to bring him back to normal. But despite my efforts, it keeps getting deeper and deeper.

Wormtail tries to help too, but I don't think he really understands what Lily meant to James. He's tried telling James to "get over it," but of course, love doesn't work that way, and I think Wormtail's comments have only deepened the pit.

So, Lily, if you can hear my thoughts, know that you've done something horrible to James, and I despise you for it. And depending on what you do, I may always despise you.

**AN: Poor James! This part was easiest to write so far – I know what it's liked to be turned down by the person you love. Of course, I didn't get depressed, but it helps that I was only at the same school for a year and that afterwards, I moved across the country. Still, my stomach **_**does**_** lurch when I think of him, so I can identify with James a little bit. (And Maia, you have one guess as to which school he was from). And yes, I know, Sirius isn't being very nice. My point was to have him turn into James a bit, and I think I achieved that.**

**Thoughts? **


	7. Chapter 7: Dreams

Chapter 7: Dreams

**Lily's POV:**

"Sirius, can't you-"

"No, Lily, we've been over this before."

Sirius and I were arguing for the umpteenth time about whether he should go try and talk to James.

"Why do you even care, anyway? You don't like him, Lil, you think he's a git!"

I wanted to shout at him, _I care because you don't even notice your best mate anymore! Doesn't it bother you that he hasn't smiled in ages, that you haven't talked to each other since the middle of fifth year, that he's obviously wasting away? Don't you even care about James at all?_ But instead, I replied meekly,

"Well, Sirius, I did, bu-"

"See? Case closed."

It was at times like this that I wondered what I had ever seen Sirius. Sure, he was good looking, but had I ever imagined that he'd have a bigger head (not literally) than James? But then he started kissing me, and my thoughts melted away.

After a minute, I pulled away and buried my head in his chest. "Cheater," I mumbled.

"What was that?" Sirius replied, lightheartedly.

I looked up into his beautiful face, and mock pouted, "Whenever we fight, you start kissing me to distract me and cheer me up."

"And…?" he asked, a glint of amusement in his eyes, "Do you have a problem with that, love?"

"I suppose not," I replied, kissing him back. We broke apart when someone walked through the portrait hole.

It was James.

**James' POV:**

When I came into the common room, my heart skipped a beat. Lily was sitting on one of the couches, legs wrapped around Sirius' middle, her hair disheveled, looking as if they had just stopped snogging each other.

Lily's cheeks went pink, but Sirius ignored me. I walked quickly past them, hurrying up to the dormitory I shared with Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Frank Longbottom. I got into bed, but I lay awake, staring at my canopy.

After a while, I heard Sirius creep in and get into bed. I let my mind wander back to the moment I had seen in the common room, and wondered, Could that ever have been me, sitting there, Lily Evans' legs wrapped around my middle?

My ache started throbbing painfully, and I was forced to choke down the sob that had almost emerged, as it had almost done many times before.

Taking deep, gulping breaths, I forced myself into a sleep riddled with dreams varying between a scene where I walked in on Lily and Sirius snogging, and a scene where Sirius had walked in on me and Lily.

When I woke up the next morning, my pillow was damp.

**AN: -sniff, sniff- Don't worry, this "James is moping around endlessly" won't go on and on. I just have a couple good chapters planned, and I wanted a quick chapter in between. So, because I'm being so good and updating frequently, I want to know what you guys think!**


	8. Chapter 8: Prefect Duty

**AN: I know, those last couple chapters weren't terribly exciting, but I promise, this one is better, and so will be the next one…**

**Fun fact: I just moved across the country and I drove by a bank that said "D. L. Evans Bank" on the sign, except at first I couldn't see the "D." :P  
**

Chapter 8: Prefect Duty

**James' POV:**

Unusually, tonight I was in the common room, because Moony had convinced me to help Wormtail with homework. And, unfortunately, Wormtail didn't like the library, where I usually studied due to an absence of Lily and Sirius.

I was just about to make Wormtail come down to the library with me, when I overheard Lily saying, "Well, Sirius, I have to go patrol corridors. Don't wait up for me, okay? Get some sleep."

I pointedly busied myself helping Wormtail as they kissed, and Lily walked out. I breathed a sigh of relief. Sirius, alone, I could deal with. I could ignore him.

I continued helping Wormtail, starting to think that tonight might not be so bad after all.

**Lily's POV:**

I walked along the corridors for a while, and then ducked into the prefect's lounge to grab a bottle of mineral water.

Sipping my water, I continued to patrol for a couple hours, by which time I had finished my water and was yawning. Glancing at the time in an unlocked classroom, I began to head up to Gryffindor Tower. I walked up a couple staircases, down a corridor, and turned the corner, walking into another corridor. I had gone this way because I knew it contained a tapestry that concealed a passageway – a good shortcut to the common room.

But as I walked up to it, I sensed that something was wrong. The tapestry was moving, as if someone had just slipped behind it. I began to draw out my wand, but before I could I heard someone whisper, "filthy mudblood," and then I felt myself crumple to the floor as everything went dark.

**James' POV:**

By the time I had finished helping Wormy and finished my homework, everyone had gone up to bed, even Sirius. Relaxing in a puffy chair, I took out the map Sirius, Moony, Wormtail, and I had made and tapped it with my wand, whispering, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

I found Lily's dot and watched it move around the corridors, finally starting to head back to Gryffindor Tower. She ended up in the corridor that concealed a shortcut up to the tower, but instead of continuing down the corridor, her dot paused, moved forward, and stopped. I waited for it to move again, but the dot stayed stationary.

Then I noticed something that I had missed before – another dot was in the corridor, in the passage behind the tapestry. I peered at the name, and had difficulty reading it until it moved.

My eyes widened when I saw whom the dot represented.

_Regulus Black._

**AN: -cue dramatic music-**


	9. Chapter 9: Sleep

**AN: Happy (almost) Olympics!**

Chapter 9: Sleep

**James' POV:**

I jumped up and tore out of the common room, in my rush forgetting the map and invisibility cloak. My only thoughts were about getting to Lily.

Reaching the corridor where I had seen her dot, I looked around frantically. Was I too late? Had Black gotten rid of Lily's body? Pulling aside the tapestry, I was flooded with relief that was quickly extinguished by worry.

Lily was there, yes, but she wasn't moving. I knelt down beside her, hoping, praying that she wasn't dead. I took her hand.

It was cold.

I searched for a pulse, and after a few seconds, I found it. Faint though it was, a pulse existed, a heart still beat in Lily Evans' limp, cold, body.

I jumped when I heard a meow behind me. Filch's kitten, Mrs. Norris, had come to investigate.

"Shoo," I whispered, "She was on prefect duty and…" I paused, not wanted to explain, "…she fainted. I'm just bringing her back up to the common room."

The kitten seemed to glare at me (if kittens can glare) but the look seemed to say, "Just this once, then. She should be more careful."

I breathed a sigh of relief and then glanced back at Lily. Now that I had told Mrs. Norris that I was going to bring Lily up, I knew I would have to. I reached for my wand, but decided not to levitate her or otherwise magically transport her. I would carry her myself.

But once I had made up my mind, I was hesitant to touch her. It was only after I convinced myself that Sirius would (hopefully) do the same if he were in my place that I picked up Lily's limp form and started walking towards the common room as quickly as I dared.

Once I arrived at the Fat Lady's portrait, I almost had to yell to wake her up.

"Eh- what's this?" she asked, "What happened to her?"

"Fainted," I mumbled, then said, "_pumpkin juice,_" not wanting to explain anymore than I had to.

The Fat Lady reluctantly swung her painting open to reveal the red and gold Gryffindor common room. I walked quickly in, setting Lily down on a couch near the ever-blazing fireplace, her head on my lap. I stroked her hair, hoping that the heat of the fire would revive her. After a minute, she stirred and looked up at me.

"What happened?"

"Someone cursed you while you were on duty," I said, still reluctant to explain the whole story, "But I came and got you and brought you back here."

She looked confused. "But how did you find me?"

"Oh, it's just something Sirius and I made to find people."

She started and looked up at me in mild surprise, as if realizing who I was for the first time.

**Lily's POV (from a little before she woke up):**

_Keep sleeping,_ said a voice in my head, _sleep until you won't need to ever wake up. Sleep… Sleep…_

I felt myself slipping, slipping into nothingness, into a wonderful feeling of letting everything go, of just releasing my hold on my body and slipping out of it, leaving nothing more that a shell and being free.

But an annoying part of me was trying to overpower the nothingness. It was reminding me of Sirius, of Severus, and of James. James most of all, though I don't know why. And it was showing the original James, and then the haunted James, and it was lifting me out, though I did not want it to.

So I pushed this voice away, welcoming the emptiness, the nothingness, inviting it in and pushing, pushing the reluctance out.

But it kept coming back, stronger and stronger, and as I felt warmth flood into my limbs I remembered I had a body and suddenly the nothingness was gone and I was looking up into someone's face in the Gryffindor common room.

"What happened?" I asked the face.

"Someone cursed you while you were on duty, but I came and got you and brought you back here," came the reply.

"But how did you find me?" I looked up at the face, confused.

"Oh, it's just something Sirius and I made to find people."

Sirius. Sirius. Sirius and I. Who was the "I?"

Suddenly, all the memories flooded back into my brain, and I stared up at the face in surprise. Why was James the one who had rescued me? Wasn't I Sirius' girlfriend? And why did I need to be rescued anyway?

"_Filthy mudblood."_

The memory of the attack was the last to come into my brain.

"James, why, how, but, wh-what hap-?"

"Shhhhh, Lily, you're obviously exhausted," he replied, a look of concern and possibly, now that I look back on it, love crossing his face, "You should sleep. I'll explain later."

**James' POV:**

Lily was exhausted; you could see it in everything she did.

Or maybe it was just me who could see it, after so many years of studying her.

She started to protest, but I insisted. "Sleep, Lily, sleep, you'll feel better in the morning."

"All right," she replied, yawning, "I suppose I am pretty tired."

As she closed her eyes, she smiled up at me in the way that a small child smiles when they feel tired, comfortable, and safe. Surprising myself, I smiled back, the muscles in my mouth stiff from being mostly unused over the past couple of years.

Lily shifted around until she had found a comfortable position, her head still resting on my lap, and closed her eyes. I waited a few minutes until I gauged, from the sound of her breathing, that she was asleep, and got up, placing her head on a stray pillow off the floor.

**Lily's POV:**

I didn't fall asleep for a while.

After a few minutes, James got up and moved my head onto a pillow. I peeked at him, not wanting him to know I was awake.

He went and stared at the fire for a few moments, then turned and walked softly back over to me. James crouched down, observing me. I shut my eyes completely.

I could feel his warm breath on my skin and felt him tuck a piece of loose hair behind my ear. Then, unexpectedly, he whispered, "I love you, Lily. I will always love you. I would die for you if I needed to. And sometimes, I wish you could love me, too."

After a few more touches of breath, he leaned in and pressed his lips, softly, to mine.

I lay awake for hours afterwards, thinking of what James had said in the security of being alone, and of the kiss.

Afterwards, I would always call that my true first kiss.

**AN: I don't know about you guys, but I thought that was one of my better chapters. But, as always, I want your thoughts. Review please! ALSO: I may have some issues updating over the next few days – we're in a state of limbo without wireless internet, and though we are "borrowing" off the neighbors, it's spotty. However, internet will hopefully be up and running by the 14****th****.**


	10. Chapter 10: James Kissed Me

Chapter 10: _James Kissed Me_

**Lily's POV:**

When I woke up the next morning, it took me a moment to remember all that had happened the night before.

Patrolling corridors, getting cursed, James rescuing me, what he had said, the kiss-

I sat bolt upright.

James had kissed me.

It began running through my mind (_James kissed me, James kissed me_) but instead of being annoyed, I felt joy.

It was the only thing I thought of until lunch, needing to be asked repeatedly how to deal with a venomous tentacula by a very annoyed herbology professor and ignoring Sirius' many inquiries of what was wrong.

"Nothing is wrong," I wanted to say, "Everything is wonderful!"

But I didn't say anything and at lunchtime, after seeing a thoroughly confused Sirius and a still depressed James I came to my senses. What had I been thinking? I was Sirius' girl, I loved Sirius, not James!

And yet the thought kept going through the back of my mind incessantly.

_James kissed me, James kissed me, James kissed me, James kissed me, James kissed me, James kissed me-_

"Oh, BE QUIET!" I shouted. Everyone in the seats around me turned and stared. I blushed when I realized that I had shouted out loud.

"What's wrong, Lily?" asked Sirius, pulling me into a hug.

"Sorry, Sirius, I've just had something on my mind today," I said, knowing I couldn't tell him the truth.

He seemed to accept that I wouldn't tell him any more than that and went back to his pudding, feeding me spoonfuls every few bites.

I glanced over at James, whose ears turned pink. I tried smiling at him, but he had gone back to his own pudding. Then I remembered that he didn't know that I knew what he had said and done.

It was then that I knew what I had to do. It was time to win the ongoing argument with Sirius.

It was time for him to talk to James.

**AN: Yes, I know that was short but there's more coming, I promise! I have chapters 11-15 written already, but you won't get them unless you review! This one's not much to review on, but still I'd like to know what you're all thinking.**


	11. Chapter 11: Have A Chat

**AN: Sorry that this took so long; I was at camp for a while and then FanFiction was having issues with me logging on... So I will reward you with two chapters at once!! Yay!**

Chapter 11: "Have a Chat"

**Lily's POV:**

I waited patiently throughout the rest of the day, not saying anything to Sirius yet. Once in the common room, however, I told him to come with me; I wanted to "have a chat."

I decided on an empty classroom. For a minute, I just stared at him, studying his expression, his mood.

"So, love? What was it you wanted to talk about?"

I snapped out of my analyzation and looked into his face.

"Well, Sirius, I think I need to bring up the argument."

He sighed. "Lily, love, please, not this again. It's getting boring."

"I'm serious."

"No, I'm Sirius," he said jokingly, trying to get me off the subject.

I glared at him.

"No, really, you need to talk to James."

"Why do you honestly even care?"

I glared more intently. This time, I would answer.

"I care…" I stumbled for words until the words that had always gone through my mind surfaced, "I care because you don't even notice your best mate anymore! Doesn't it bother you that he hasn't smiled in ages, that you haven't talked to each other since the middle of fifth year, that he's obviously wasting away? Don't you even care about James at all?" By the end, I was screaming at him, tears flowing freely down my face.

A look of surprise crossed his face, "Lils, I- I didn't kno-"

"Well, of course not! You're too caught up in your own little world to notice how anyone feels! I didn't think I'd say this, but you're worse now than James ever was!"

Then, on impulse, I went up and slapped him. He looked at me, stunned, as I ran from the room sobbing.

**Sirius' POV:**

It was as if Lily's slap had lifted something from me, from my mind, that had been telling me what to do. Had I been Imperiused? Or some other spell? I wasn't sure. But as soon as this feeling of being free reached me, the rest reached me as well.

James was depressed, if not dying. Moony couldn't look me in the eye anymore. Lily was as caring as ever, and I was stunned at what I had said in every argument: _Why do you even care?_ Of course she would worry about James.

I felt in my pocket until I found the enchanted mirror that I still always carried around. I hoped that James did too.

I paused before saying anything, but after a moment, I whispered "_James Potter._" The mirror clouded for a moment, but then James' face appeared.

"Hey, er, James?" I asked.

He looked surprised to see me, but quickly settled back into his haunted look that was all I had seen for the past couple years. "Yeah."

"Will, you, er, get detention with me tomorrow?"

He looked startled for a moment, then agreed, with almost a smile in his eyes, though not on his face. "Sure," he said, "What shall we do?"


	12. Chapter 12: Inquiro

**AN: **_**Inquiro**_** is like **_**Imperio**_** except that you can only make people say things, not jump off a cliff or anything.**

Chapter 12: _Inquiro_

**James' POV:**

Sirius and I walked into Transfiguration, our plan running through my head.

I looked around until I found Eve Charters, the shyest girl in our year. Professor McGonagall walked in, and I flicked my wand at Eve, whispering "_Inquiro_."

I nodded at Sirius, and he began distracting other students, making a loud noise and causing McGonagall to shout over the din. I waved my wand again, and Eve stood up and started screaming at everyone else.

"Shut up! Shut up right now!"

Everyone went quiet, staring at Eve.

McGonagall cut in, "Charters, please do not utter that word in my classroo-"

Turning to her, Eve shouted, "You shut up too! I'm sick of this class!"

It was at this point that Sirius and I began to laugh (me more forcedly **(sp?)** than I used to), and I made a big deal about stowing my wand away. Eve had clapped her hands over her mouth, horrified at what she had just (unwillingly) said.

"Potter! Black! Detention!" McGonagall turned to glare at us.

Nevertheless, I felt better than I had in weeks.

**Sirius' POV:**

The first part of the plan had worked perfectly; now we could only hope that McGonagall wouldn't put us in separate detentions.

We walked up to her desk after class, eyes glinting mischievously.

"Well, Potter, feeling better then?" James looked up, a blank expression on his face.

"I guess so, Professor."

"You're lucky today, Potter, and you too, Black. I'm quite happy that Potter's feeling better, and so though I won't pardon what you two did today, I will have you do detention together."

James almost grinned, then stopped, either by McGonagall or the fact that he wasn't used to grinning – he hadn't in a few months, at least.

Our plan was a success.

**Later:**

"Hey, Lily?"

"What?" she snapped at me. Across the room, I saw James look up, curious.

"I just want to say sorry about yesterday-"

"Not interested," she cut in, but I plowed on, "I'm sorry and I've decided to talk to James."

A look of joy crossed her face and she leapt up and hugged me. James turned back to his homework. "Oh, Sirius, that's wonderful! When?"

"We got a detention in Transfiguration, so I'll talk to him then."

"You didn't have to get detention, you idiot," she said, her arms still wrapped around my neck, gazing up at me.

"Yes I did." James glanced up, then quickly glanced down again. Hopefully this wouldn't be too much of an issue for him – me and Lily being together.

"No you d-"

"Lily, detention was the time that James and I used to talk, really talk. So I figured it would be good to talk to him then."

She sighed. "Oh, I'm just glad you're going to sort this all out," she said, kissing me, "I got so worried about him, moping around all the time, and, well, you know…"

"Yeah, I know. Look, I'll see you later. I have a detention to go to."

She smiled. "Well, try to sort this all out." She kissed me again, then went back to her homework.

I gazed at her for a moment, and then walked over to (a pained-looking?) James and tapped him on the shoulder. "C'mon. Let's go."

**AN: Remember, reviews equal love. And I did just give you two chapters. Plus, my hits vs. reviews is terribly low. 823 hits, 16 reviews. -winces-**

**kthanxbai.**


	13. Chapter 13: Dentention

**AN: So, d'you think James will feel better? Read on…**

Chapter 13: Detention

**Sirius' POV:**

"You two will be cleaning the trophies. Without magic."

James and I groaned simultaneously.

"But Professor, I thought you said you were happy that James was feeling better," I said.

"I am, but that does not excuse what you did to Charters today in class. Wands!"

We handed over our wands reluctantly and began scrubbing at the trophies. After a few moments, McGonagall left and James looked up at me, expectantly.

"Well, then, spit it out."

"What?"

"You obviously wanted to say something, or did you just want to get me in detention?"

"Oh, right." I paused, wondering how to phrase what I wanted to say.

"Look, James, I- well, I guess, er, I- I'm sorry for being such a big-headed git and ignoring you and letting you get depressed and- well…. Yeah."

He looked at me and grinned, actually grinned. "I hoped you were going to say that."

We grinned at each other for a few moments, then I reached over and pulled him into a hug. If we were girls, we probably would have started crying, but as it was, we just hugged.

"I missed you, Padfoot," he whispered.

"I missed you too, Prongs."

I turned back to the trophies and winced. "Didn't we do this fourth year?"

"Yeah, really. How often do trophies need to be cleaned, anyway?"

"Once a week, by the looks of these."

We glanced at each other, trying to keep a straight face, but soon gave up and started laughing for all we were worth.

In a moment, though, I had a question for him. "Hey, Prongs?"

He abruptly stopped laughing. "Yeah?"

"How did- well, what I mean is I've been such a git all this time and you've been so mopey and depressed, and well… How is it that suddenly we're friends again?"

Prongs looked at me, with sadness in his eyes. "Our friendship's always been a part of me since we met. I think it was just waiting for you to come back. I've been too chicken to try to be friends again myself. I just thought that maybe you didn't want to be friends anymore, and I didn't want to find out if it was true. Because if it was… well… Things were already hard enough."

Now it was my turn to be sad. "I thought you knew that I'd never not want to be friends with you. We're best mates, and always will be, right?"

"Right." We hugged again, and I thought I saw tears come into Prong's eyes. Or maybe it was just my blurred vision from my own tears.

**James' POV:**

Padfoot and I walked back up to the common room together, arms around each other's shoulders. We were laughing and joking as we came in, and Moony and Wormtail looked puzzled. We explained that we had made up, and I saw Moony's face light up. I looked over at Lily, and she grinned at us. I felt my stomach flip over.

Moony's expression saddened a little, as if he could sense what I was thinking.

I stretched. "Well, I'm exhausted from all that scrubbing. I'm off to bed."

Padfoot agreed, and we started walking to our dormitory. "Wait a sec, Prongs," he said, and anticipating what he was going to do, I walked more quickly. Not quickly enough, however, as I got a glimpse of Lily and Padfoot kissing goodnight.

My mind flashed back to two nights previously when I had kissed Lily goodnight, unbeknownst to her.

I walked faster.

**Remus' POV:**

Thank you, Lily.

James has been lifted out of his pit, thanks to you talking to Sirius, and then him talking to James.

That is to say, he's mostly out. You still have a spade, and are digging.

Sirius is pouring bucketfuls back in, yes, but you're making some headway. You're still deepening it.

And yet, I think I'll thank you again anyway. So:

Thank you, Lily.

Thank you.

**AN: Yay! James is feeling bet-ter! James is feeling bet-ter! But, as you can see, it's not a full recovery yet; and I can't guarantee that the mopeyness won't come back occasionally.**


	14. Chapter 14: Truths that Should be Told

Chapter 14: Truths that Should be Told

**James' POV:**

I'm glad Padfoot and I are friends again.

It was as if our friendship was a missing part of me that I didn't know was missing until it came back, and when it did a great load was taken off my shoulders. Not that that makes any sense. I mean, if something is missing and you find it, shouldn't it be adding weight?

Ah, me.

And yet, there's still a part of me missing, still a part that could be replaced.

A part that I shouldn't try to replace, as I have no right to do so.

A part named Lily Evans.

Moony is still worried about me; I can tell by the way he studies me, the way he still tries to feed me more food, the way he acts around me: as if I were a wild animal, afraid, about to run away.

Wormtail's just Wormtail; oblivious as usual.

And Padfoot is… well… less big-headed than he was a week ago. However, he can still be annoying, and was somewhat surprised when I declined his offer to do the _Inquiro_ curse on Vivian Kurtiss during Potions. But he shrugged it off and got Wormtail to do it instead. I did laugh along with the pair of them, though, once Vivian had declared her undying love for Professor Slughorn. It took a little while for everyone to calm down, but Slughorn was impressed with their wandwork and awarded them 5 points each.

Padfoot grinned at me, and I grinned back until I realized he was grinning at the person two seats in front of me.

The grinned dropped off my face and my stomach flipped over twice. I swallowed a lump in my throat and busied myself with the Sleeping Draught we were making.

Any guesses who it was?

**Sirius' POV:  
**I can't quite tell if Prongs is feeling any better.

Yes, he's been grinning and laughing, but he still gets that haunted look sometimes.

Usually when Lily is around.

I've been trying to tell myself that he should be used to it by now, but deep down my subconscious is telling me, "You know he loved her. You know he still does. You know they are almost certainly made for each other. You know that you need to let Lily move on. You need to let go." But I push that voice away. I don't want to hear the truth right now.

**James' POV:  
**I need to tell Sirius.

I need to tell him about why Lily had yelled at him.

About the night I had found her in the hallway.

About Regulus.

But not, I think, about the kiss.

Still, I need to tell him. It's been nagging at me ever since Padfoot and I made up.

So I've made up my mind. After all, tomorrow is a good a day as any for a detention, right?

**AN: reviewslove. A really exciting part's coming up in the next few chapters. Yayness!**


	15. Chapter 15: Mmmm, Pie

**AN: "COMC" is the Maurauders' nickname for Care of Magical Creatures. They say com-ke, not C-O-M-C. Also, the only reviewer for the past two chapters was mgirl13!! I miss my reviewers!! So, I have prepared this wonderfully long chapter for you. Hope you enjoy it.  
**

Chapter 15: Mmmm, Pie

**James' POV:**

"Hey Padfoot?"

"Yeah?"

We were sitting in the common room, finishing up our Care of Magical Creatures essays during the break between Transfiguration and Care of Magical Creatures.

"D'you mind getting detention tonight?" I asked.

"Nope, you've got Quidditch tomorrow though, so we can't do anything too serious," he said, without looking up, "Why?"

I paused. I had forgotten about Quidditch in the rush of things, and was surprised that Padfoot would remember. "I want- I want to talk to you about something."

"Okay," he said, knowing that I wouldn't say anything more now.

"When should we do it? Herbology?"

Looking up, he shook his head. "Nah, let's get it over with soon. COMC?"

"Sure. Actually, that's perfect for my plan."

He raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"Here."

I passed him a piece of paper, on which I had scribbled my plan. His eyes widened with glee.

"C'mon," he said, "If we hurry we can get a lot."

**Lily's POV:**

I started when I saw Sirius and James gather up their stuff and rush out of the common room. Were they already late? Was I late? A glance at the clock soothed me, however. We still had 15 minutes before we had to be in class.

Instantly this made me curious. Why would two well known troublemakers be arriving early, unless they were setting up a prank? I made a mental note to be aware on my way down to the grounds.

A sigh came from the armchair beside me. Peter was still struggling with our essay on unicorns, which I had finished half an hour ago.

"What is it this time, Wormy?" Remus asked, helpful as usual.

"I need another inch and I have no more information to use!" Peter whined. I sighed. How could Remus put up with the constant whining? He amazed me sometimes.

"Here, let me see it," Remus replied, taking the parchment from Peter's outstretched hand. Quickly glancing over it, he said, "I don't see anything about the magical properties of their blood in here. That could easily give you at least another three inches."

He handed the parchment back, and Peter flipped to the page in our textbooks about unicorn blood.

I sighed again, and turned back to my book, a muggle romance novel. As cheesy as they were, they always made me feel better and I was still a little shaky from the event four days previous. A few minutes later, the clock came to life.

"Sixth years! You have five minutes to get down to the grounds!" the clock said in a singsongy voice, "Finish up or you'll be late!"

I slipped my book into my bag, grabbed a hat and scarf, and walked over to the portrait of the Fat Lady. She swung open, allowing the crowd of sixth years that had gathered through.

I walked down towards the entrance hall, on full alert just in case Sirius or James decided to jump out at us.

The walk was uneventful, however, and as we walked slowly down towards the edge of the Forbidden Forest I let my guard down a little. There were fewer places to hide out here. Still, it was cold out, and I shivered despite my coat.

"Good afternoon, class!" said Professor Tygela, "Please put your essays up here and take a seat." There was a collective groan. No one wanted to sit on the cold ground, snowless as it was.

I walked up to where we were to place our essays, looking around for Sirius and James. Where were they?

Instantly, my guard was up again. I set my essay down, walking past Remus and Peter, the latter scribbling a few more things onto his essay.

"Hey, Remus?" I said. He looked up.

"Yes, Lily?"

"D'you know where Sirius and James are? They left early and they're not here yet…" I trailed off.

He shrugged. "I might have heard one of them mentioning something about a prank, but I can't be sure what that would entail."

"Would it be likely to be directed at me?" I asked, grimacing at the possible answer.

Remus smiled. "Probably not. I mean, you're Sirius' girlfriend and James is still in lo-" he stopped, realizing too late that he had said too much. I felt my cheeks grow hot as the tips of his ears went bright red.

There was an awkward pause until Peter spoke up. "Moony, how does this paragraph sound? _A unicorn's blood has many magical properties, including the ability to heal. Unicorns are mainly hunted for this aspect, though…"_

Still blushing, I hurried to sit down while the two boys walked towards Professor Tygela, Peter continuing to read his essay.

Once everyone's essay was handed in, Tygela turned to the seated, and partially grumbling, class. "Well, I see everyone seems to be accounted for, except, of course, our usual latecomers."

Everyone laughed. I noticed Remus glancing around nervously, and I copied him. Who would be the object of "our usual latecomers'" prank?

I looked up towards the school entrance, but no one was there. Huh.

Tygela began to speak and I turned back to the front.

"Today we will be learning about-"

Splat.

A great big cream pie had landed right on Professor Tygela's head.

Some people began laughing, and some looked up nervously. Those who looked up received a pie in their face.

I backed away, grabbing Remus' wrist and not glancing up until we were a few feet from the crowd.

Surprise, surprise, it was James flying around on a broomstick, Sirius sending up pies from the ground using his wand.

I rolled my eyes and started fixing the mess. Remus quickly caught on and took his wand out.

"_Tergeo hominum. Obliviate. Tergeo. Obliviate,_" I muttered, cleaning up the other Gryffindors and getting rid of the remaining pies. When Tygela recovered she glared at Sirius and James in turn.

"Potter! Black! Come here this instant!"

James dismounted and walked over with Sirius, both looking sheepish but with grins in their eyes.

"What is the meaning of these- these pies?!" she said, almost shrieking but managing to keep her voice relatively low.

James answered. "Well, Professor, we haven't had pie since the Halloween feast and we figured that everyone would appreciate some pie," turning to me, he added, "Why'd you have to obliviate them all? We were saving a few for a treat!"

I glared at him jokingly.

A few people laughed, but Tygela's expression hadn't changed.

"Detention tonight. I'd have you cleaning the trophies, but seeing as you've already done that in the past week, I would say that the Owlery is in need of a cleaning. So, Owlery, 8 o'clock. Filch will explain the specifics."

After that, the class continued normally enough.

**Later, James' POV:**

After Filch had confiscated our wands, explained our task, and left us, we scrubbed in silence for a while. I didn't know where to begin, and Padfoot waited patiently for what I was going to say.

Finally, I decided that if I started, I could figure out the rest as I went along.

"So, Sirius? I wanted to talk to you about something, and, well…" I trailed off, still at a loss for the right words.

He looked at me, expectantly.

I cleared my throat, and then continued. "It's about why Lily finally decided to stand up to you about, er, talking to me."

Padfoot continued to look at me, still silent, his expression changing slightly, surprised at what I had said.

"It was something that happened during her rounds, when she was walking back up to the common room."

Now the words were coming easily, scrambling to get out.

"She was taking the shortcut through the tapestry that's one floor below here, you know, the one with the picture of a wizard duel?" He nodded. "Well, see, someone was hiding behind it and cursed her with something, not sure what it was. But it knocked her out and she looked dead when I came to see what had happened."

Padfoot finally spoke. "What? Weren't you there in the first place?"

"No, I was just looking at the map and I saw Lily's dot go up that way and then stop. Then I saw someone rushing off."

"Did you see who it was? I'll curse them into oblivion!"

"Y-yeah," I stammered. I wasn't sure that I wanted to tell Padfoot that his brother was the one hiding behind the tapestry. I tried stalling. "First let me tell you the rest of the story."

Unfortunately, unless I wanted to tell him I had kissed Lily (which I didn't), there wasn't much more to tell.

"So, er, I got down there, and Lily was really cold and I thought she had died 'till I felt her pulse. I carried her up to the common room to see if the fire would help, which it did. She seemed really tired."

"Is that all?"

"Er, yeah, that's about it."

"So, who was it? They must prepare to die!" Padfoot said, jokingly. But I could tell that some parts of the threats were true. Padfoot _would_ curse, and possibly (try to) kill, depending on the person. I thought that he might try to kill his brother, so I tried breaking the news as gently as possible.

"It-" I stammered, "it was Regulus."

His eyes widened. "Oh. No." I grimaced. I guess I wasn't very good at breaking news gently.

But then, unexpectedly, Padfoot began to cry.

**AN: Awww, pour wittle Padfoot… Actually, though, this is bad news. Very bad. Remember, reviews equal love. Actually, entering my competition equals me very happy equals more updates. But still. Reviews from my (missed) reviewers are first and foremost.  
**


	16. Chapter 16: Paper Bag

Chapter 16: Paper Bag

**James' POV:**

"Hey, Padfoot, you alright?"

All I got in response were sniffs and gasps.

"Padfoot, calm down, what's wrong?"

Padfoot replied shakily, sobs racking his frame every few words, "I- I'm sorry James- it's just that-"

He stopped talking, and I sat there with him until Padfoot's sobs had reduced to great huge breaths.

"Do you need a paper bag?" I asked, worried.

"A (gasp) what (gasp)?"

"A paper bag. Muggles use them when they have panic attacks. And, well, you're clearly having a panic attack. You're hyperventilating, at least."

Padfoot's breathing slowed until he good get out a sentence. "M'alright." A half-sentence, that is.

I waited until his breathing was almost normal, but he still seemed to be agitated.

I decided to try again. "So, Padfoot, what's wrong?"

He was shaking, but he tried to choke his story out. "This summer Reg-g-gulus joined up with Y-You-Know-Who and I overheard him t-t-talking to s-someone who t-told him t-to-"

At this, he began hyperventilating again.

"Whoa, Padfoot, slow down. I can wait. Just get control of yourself."

In reality, though, I couldn't wait. Was Lily in danger?

It seemed an eternity until Padfoot's breathing slowed enough and his shaking stopped enough that he could continue.

"So, this summer, Regulus joined up with You-Know-Who. I told you that on the train, remember? Mum and Dad were overjoyed, and they asked why I didn't join. Then…" Padfoot winced, "Well, that's a different story. Anyway, I was using the bathroom one night, and I walked past Regulus' door and I heard him talking to someone I didn't recognize. I stopped to listen, and I overheard them talking: '-first assignment is one of utmost importance. You are the only servant currently at Hogwarts and so we need you to do this.' I heard Regulus saying 'Of course, anything for the Dark Lord.' Then the unfamiliar voice spoke again, 'I will teach you a spell similar to the Imperius curse that allows you to control things when you want to control them – otherwise they will lead their own individual lives. You will cast this on all the muggleborns in Hogwarts. Then, you will gather them together and...'" Padfoot paused, shaking, "'d-destroy them!' I stepped back and made the floor creak, and the unfamiliar speaker paused and started walking towards the door. I quickly snuck into my room, so I didn't hear what the spell was. But that's the reason I started freaking out."

"Do you know when he's going to do this?" I asked.

"No," he replied.

"Then-" I paused, the unspoken words going through both of our minds.

He could be killing them now.

Lily could already be dead.

**AN: Uh-oh. I told you it was bad. Also - I have up to chapter 20 written at this point, but I need more reviews before I update any more. And Maia, just because you're my unnoficial beta reader doesn't give you the priviledge to gloat about it or reveal more to the story. So don't, please. Even though I know you want to.  
**


	17. Chapter 17: Still Got An Owlery To Clean

**AN: The reason that I'm not doing a Sirius POV right now is because I think James just works better for these parts… And I don't really fancy writing the perspective of someone having a panic attack. Also: Sorry that I didn't update for so long - I was dealing with a broken ankle and the pain meds that ensued. So, I am rewarding your patience with two chapters at once!  
**

"_Then-" I paused, the unspoken words going through both of our minds._

_He could be killing them now._

_Lily could already be dead._

Chapter 17: Still Got An Owlery To Clean

**James' POV:**

Padfoot and I looked at each other, our own panic reflected in each other's eyes.

"W-we have to get back to the c-c-c-common room and g-get the map!" Padfoot stuttered.

"No," I said, obviously the only one who was thinking clearly.

Padfoot stared at me in shock. "B-but Prongs, don't you care about Lily? She could be dea-"

I erupted. "SIRIUS BLACK!"

He flinched.

This time, when I spoke, I was quiet but menacing. "Don't you ever accuse me of not caring about Lily Evans ever again."

"S-sorry, Prongs," he said, embarrassed. "B-but-"

"If Filch sees us, he'll wonder why we're leaving when we're not done with our detention," I stated as if it were obvious. I knew I was being kind of mean, but Lily was in danger. You know, Lily Evans. The (yes, I admit it) love of my life. That Lily.

"Don't you have the cloak with you?"

"If he comes back to check on us, we can't both be gone, Padfoot! One of us will go under the cloak, and the other one will stay and tell Filch that they're in the bathroom. I'll go, because I don't think that in your state it would be good for you to go."

"Alright," he agreed, "But if Lily's missing, use the mirrors."

"Okay. I'll be back as soon as possible."

After making sure that Padfoot would be calm enough if he stayed, I rushed off to Gryffindor Tower. Arriving at the Fat Lady's portrait, I whispered "_pumpkin juice._"

"Wha-? Who's there?" she said, surprised and sleepy.

I pulled off the hood. She shrieked.

"It's just James Potter." I said quietly.

"Oh, my dear, you gave me a fright! Wherever is Sirius? I thought you two had detention."

"We do, I just forgot something in my room." I didn't like lying. Even if this was only a half-lie, I still felt uncomfortable.

"Hurry along, then."

I rushed up the stairs and grabbed the map out of my trunk. I scanned it quickly for Lily, and found her safe in her bunk. I sighed, relieved.

I sprinted back to the Owlery. Arriving at the door, I took off the invisibility cloak and then I stepped in, only to be bowled over by a very large black dog.

"Pa-foo! Gerroff! Lilsalrigh!"

As soon as I said "alright," Padfoot jumped off me and shifted back into his human self.

He rushed his reply, "Sorrymateit'sjustthatInoticedthatyouhadleftyourmirrorhereonaccidentandsoIwaslisteningforyouandsoIshiftedtohearbetterandyouweresprintingsoIthoughtitwasbadnews."

"I thought dogs were able to smell happiness or something."

"No that's wolves. And fear."

We began to laugh, giddy with relief that Lily was okay.

After a minute, though, I stopped.

"What's wrong, Prongs?" Padfoot asked.

"We've still got an Owlery to clean."

We both glanced around and groaned. We still had a lot to do.

**AN: Yayness! Lily is alright! …for now. Soon, well... Just review. You'll find out in time.  
**


	18. Chapter 18: Muggleborns and Dots

**AN: Prize chappie due to long wait!! My reader mgirl13 came up with the title of this chapter, just so y'all know. She's kinda like my unofficial beta reader. That mostly begs me to send her my chapters. Sorry for the rest of you - but I don't know you personally. Typical email convo:**

**me: I just finished another chapter! You want to read it?**

**mgirl13: le duh!**

**me: what's the magic word?**

**mgirl13: please?**

**me: hmm... okay, fine. (attaches chapter to email)**

**So sometimes I ask her to help with chappie titles and the like. She also came up with the idea for the name of "The Troll Under the Bridge," (yet to be posted) and helped brainstorm some ideas for it. She's my only friend who's as crazy about FanFiction as me, so she's very helpful. Thanks mgirl13!!**

**And now, after that ridiculously long AN, on to the story. It's getting much more exciting.**

Chapter 18: Muggleborns and Dots

**James' POV:**

The days past, and Padfoot and I said nothing of our suspicions to anybody. We kept watch on Lily's dot on the map, doing shifts every night.

But nothing happened.

Lily never wandered off, except to use the bathroom.

I began to wonder if Padfoot had really heard right. Was Regulus really going to do anything? But then I would remember Lily's cold, limp body that one night, and went back to observing her dot.

**Sirius' POV:**

It was my turn to watch her – Lily's – dot.

We had just had an extensive Quidditch match, and Prongs and I were exhausted. Unfortunately, I had first watch.

My eyelids began to droop, and I poked myself. I couldn't let myself fall asleep.

But as my head nodded, I thought, "What's the likelihood that Regulus does it tonight? Very small… very, very small…"

I drifted off to sleep with that thought.

**James' POV:**

I woke up at 2:00 AM with a start. Padfoot was supposed to wake me up two hours ago!

I looked over at his bunk and saw a slumped, but awake form. I sighed in relief.

"Padfoot, mate, I'll take a turn watching the map if you-"

It was then that I heard the snore.

Padfoot was asleep.

I was over at his bed in a moment, snatching the map out of his hands.

"Prongs-?" He asked, sleepily

"Padfoot, you idiot! You fell asleep!" I whispered, enraged.

"M'sure she's fine, Prongs, go back to sleep."

"No, Padfoot, she's not, look!"

"An empty bunk… So what?"

"It's Lily's bunk, Padfoot!"

"She's probly just in the bathroom…" He yawned sleepily.

"No, Padfoot, she's not! She's not even on the map at all! And look, there's another muggleborn on third floor!"

He seemed to finally realize what I was saying.

"You mean-?"

"Yes, Regulus is gathering up the muggleborns, and- wait! Look at this!"

"What?"

"The dot, it…" I paused, not sure how to say it.

"Yes?"

"Look!"

The dot representing the muggleborn had walked into a room and… disappeared! It was as if they had left Hogwarts, which was, of course, impossible to do without using one of the secret passages the Marauders had discovered.

"How can they be disappearing?" asked Padfoot.

"I dunno, but we have to get down there! Hurry!"

We started rushing down to 3rd floor, when Padfoot stopped abruptly. "Let's get Dumbledore. It'll be easier to stop Regulus that way."

I agreed. "Let's go, then."

We rushed towards the twin gargoyles that guarded Dumbledore's study.

"We have to see Professor Dumbledore! It's an emergency!"

**AN: "Professor Dumbledore! Magical emergency!"**

"**Oh no! What is it?"**

"**Ron's been trapped in an alternate dimension!"**

"**Oh, not again!" – Potter Puppet Pals**

"Password?" the gargoyles asked in a nasal voice.

"Look, it's an emergency, please let us in!" Padfoot said.

"An emergency, you say?"

We turned around to find a portrait of a knight looking at us.

"Yes, sir, er…" I halted, at a loss for the knight's name.

"Galahan."

"Yes, Sir Galahan, it's an emergency!"

"I shall be right back. Off to get Dumbledore and help these poor lads!"

Sirius and I exchanged a look. There were some odd paintings at Hogwarts.

Faster than we could have imagined, however, there was Dumbledore running alongside Sir Galahan, albeit he wasn't in a picture.

"Yes, Potter, Black, what is it? Not a prank, I hope."

"No, Dumbledore, it's… well…" I stopped, thinking that he might not believe the whole "Regulus Black is killing all the muggleborns" story.

**AN: James didn't say "Regulus Black is killing all the muggleborns" to Dumbledore. Just so you know.**

Padfoot jumped in, "It's my brother, Professor. He joined up with You-Know-Who over the summer, and I overheard him talking one night to someone I didn't know."

He proceeded to tell the whole story, and it sounded a lot more credible than it would have been if I had told it.

"So you believe that Regulus is currently killing some muggleborns in an unplottable room?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Why didn't you say so in the first place? Where is this unplottable room?"

"3rd floor, Profess-"

But Dumbledore was already gone.

**AN: Sirius is such an idiot... And I told you that it wouln't be long until Lily was in trouble. On a lighter note: Off to save Lily! Yayness! (Next chappie will be a Lily POV and there will be plenty of OCs that are in the story for about two chapters, some just 'cause I won't need them anymore, and some... well... you'll see.)  
**


	19. Chapter 19: Only Muggleborns

**AN: You'll probably be wondering what the heck I'm talking about a few paragraphs in. It's the Room of Requirement. I have no idea whether it's on 3rd floor or not, but I think it's constantly changing spots so whatever. And Clara's supposed to be a bit... err... shall we say... dumb. :P  
**

Chapter 19: Only Muggleborns

**Lily's POV, after Sirius falls asleep and before he wakes up, a.k.a.:**

Around 1:30 AM, I woke up from a dream where I was going down to the third floor for one reason or another. Why had I been going there? I tried to remember if I had agreed to meet someone there earlier, but my mind was blank.

I sat up in bed, pondering the realistic dream, when I felt an urge to go down to third floor. Maybe I had agreed to meet someone there, and that was why I had dreamed about it. I slipped on a dressing gown and some slippers and padded down the stairs to the common room.

Once there, I paused. I shouldn't be doing this, I thought; I'm a prefect, I know better than to wander around the corridors after hours. But I swung open the portrait and walked through the portrait hole anyway.

I couldn't explain what made me walk down the halls and staircases, only a strange urge to be on third floor.

Once on third floor, I encountered another girl that I knew from Hufflepuff. I think her name was Clara.

"Were you the one I was supposed to meet?" we both asked simultaneously.

Clara giggled. "Guess not."

Suddenly a head popped out of a doorway. It was a Hufflepuff boy whose name I didn't know.

"Hey Clara! You here too?" the unknown boy inquired.

"Yeah, so's Lily."

He seemed to notice me for the first time. His eyes widened. "Lily Evans is here?" he whispered at Clara.

"Yep," I said, "I'm Lily. What's your name?"

He blushed. "I'm Phillip, but most people call me Phil."

I smiled. "That's a nice name." Phil turned a deeper shade of red.

Clara broke in. "So, Phil, whatcha mean we're 'here too?'"

"Well, I found Jenny and Erik and Chris and a few other people I don't know wandering around down here, and we decided to investigate 'cause there must have been a reason we were all here. And Erik found this room that has stuff that all of us like, and whenever someone new comes in something appears for them. Like, Erik really likes basketball," Clara and I nodded. We knew what basketball was – we were both muggleborn, "And there was a court and ball waiting for him. I got a ping-pong table, but no one would play with me so I went to play with Erik and the ping-pong table disappeared!"

"Wow," said Clara.

"Here, come see!" Phil beckoned us in.

We walked into a large room (about the size of the Great Hall) where about fifty people were engaged in various activities.

I glanced around and saw multiple people watching a basketball game, as well as football and tennis. One girl was baking who-knows-what, and another girl was asleep.

**AN: What I mean by football is soccer. They call it that in Europe.**

"Hey, look! Those bookshelves are new!" Phil pointed out tall bookshelves that had emerged from one of the walls.

I rushed up to them and grabbed a book. "Ooh! I've been meaning to read this!"

As I glanced around, looking for a place to sit, a couch appeared out of nowhere and there was a side table with a lamp. I grinned and went to sit on the couch. Clara joined me soon after with her own book.

We read for a while until I started to think that something was wrong. Why would we all have gotten an urge to come to third floor?

I had an idea. "Hey, Clara?"

She looked up from her book. "Yeah?"

"Is Phil a muggleborn?"

"Yeah, why?" Clara was clearly confused.

"And are the friends he mentioned, Jenny and Erik and whoever, are they muggleborn?"

"Yeah…"

"Do you know anyone else here?"

"Uh-huh, I know lots o' other people here! There's Ruby, and Mike, and Thomas, and Regina, and Libby, and Alexander, 'cept we call him 'Xander, and-"

"Are they all muggleborn too?" I asked hurriedly. I hoped that my hunch was wrong, but it seemed like I would be right.

"Yep! What's wrong with that? You're muggleborn, aren'tcha?"

"There's no problem, Clara, it's just that don't you think that it's a bit weird that we all felt a need to come here, and that we're all muggleborn?"

"Not really, why?"

At that moment, we heard the door slam and everything disappeared. We all looked up in surprise at a tall, cloaked figure that had entered the room. They locked the door, and then turned to face us.

"Well, well, well," said a menacing voice from underneath the hood of the cloak, "It looks like you're all here…"

**AN: -cue dramatic music- heh. Review time! :)  
**


	20. Chapter 20: Regulus Black

_"Well, well, well," said a menacing voice from underneath the hood of the cloak, "It looks like you're all here…"_

Chapter 20: Regulus Black

**Lily's POV:**

Clara and I glanced at each other. We had stood up when the man had arrived (and, incidentally, when our couch had disappeared) and we were now arm in arm, Clara shivering.

The man took of his hood. It was Sirius! Only Sirius playing a joke on us! I sighed with relief, until I realized that it wasn't Sirius. He looked a lot like him, but he was not Sirius. His eyes were much more evil-looking, for one thing. His features were much more angled, almost sharp, again giving the appearance of being evil.

It was Regulus Black, Sirius' brother.

"Who-who is it?" Clara whispered to me, her voice echoing in the objectless hall.

"I am Regulus Black, brother of the well known Sirius Black."

There were gasps from the other muggleborns.

"I have orders from my master, the Dark Lord, to… well, shall we say," he paused, seeming to contemplate, "clean out this school of dirty blood. Meaning," he paused again, and gestured at the crowd, "kill you."

Clara went white, as did many others. One boy started panicking.

Phil, though white, stared angrily at Regulus.

"We aren't any worse than you!" he shouted, "We're better, even! We don't judge people on the 'purity' of their blood!" He was taking great, shaky, breaths.

Regulus had looked at Phil silently until he was finished. "Now, now, we can't have any of that, can we? _Avada Kadavra!_"

There was a flash of green light and Phil dropped to the ground.

"PHIL!" Clara screamed, letting go of me and running to the dead boy's side, tears running down her face. "No, Phil, you can't be dead! Phil! Phil!" She began shaking Phil, as if to try to awaken him.

Regulus looked on, a smirk on his face.

After a moment, Clara turned to Regulus, sorrow replaced by hate, tears still there. "YOU! You did this! I'll- I'll-" she rushed at him, forgetting her wand, but I ran up and grabbed her arms, pulling her back. Through her tears, I heard her say, "I never got to tell him I loved him. I never even-" she collapsed into sobs.

I hugged her, whispering into her ear. "Shhh, shhh, you'll be okay, shhh, Clara, you'll be okay."

Regulus' voice broke me out of my comforting. "Everyone grab a partner! Someone you are friends with, or like, or something!" he snapped.

I had a feeling that it wasn't for a dancing partner, but I grabbed Clara. She needed me right now.

"One partner on one side of the room, the other on the other side!" Regulus ordered.

I felt an urge to do what he said, the same kind of urge I had felt when I had wandered down to the third floor. Was I under the Imperius curse? I doubted it. Then, as I walked to one side of the huge room, I remembered.

_Filthy mudblood._

Regulus must have been the hidden person. He must have put a spell on me then that made me do his bidding when he wanted me too, but otherwise let me lead a normal life.

"And now," he paused, seemingly for effect, "you shall perform the Cruciatus curse on one another."

Gasps spread around the room.

I felt an urge to point my wand at Clara and say _"Crucio!"_ but I knew she couldn't handle any pain in her current state. She seemed to be struggling with herself, too, as shrieks erupted from both sides.

Then she seemed to give up, and raising her wand she shouted "_Crucio!_"

I braced myself for the pain, but none came. I stared confusedly at Clara, as she stared at her wand. She tried again. "_Crucio!_"

I braced myself again, but no pain arrived. Just then Regulus walked up to her.

"You aren't trying hard enough," I heard him say to her, "This is what it should feel like. _Crucio!_"

Clara fell to the ground, writhing, obviously in terrible pain. Then her body went limp. My eyes filled with tears. "NO! CLARA!" I rushed towards her, but when I was halfway across the room Regulus pointed his wand at me, his lips forming the spell.

I screamed. All I could feel was pain. Pain, the most horrible, terrible, mind numbing pain. Worse pain than you could ever imagine.

Then it stopped. "How do you like that, mudblood? That's for dirtying my brother even more than he was."

The pain came again. This time, I dropped to the floor. When it stopped, I could barely see Regulus, only the outline of his body. Tears streamed down my face.

"This is how mudbloods should always be treated," he said, kicking me. I winced and tried to inch away, but he kicked me again, "They should be treated like the filth they are."

After kicking me a few more times, he walked away. I thought that he was stopping, and I let out a breath I didn't know that I was holding. But then, he turned around and I vaguely heard him say _"Crucio!"_ before the pain ambushed me yet again.

This time, he tossed me about in the air, doubling the pain. I didn't think I could stand much more. Soon, I knew, I would meet the same fate as Clara, and Phil, and who knows whom else.

Death.

**AN: I deserve lots of reviews after that, right? Also, I borrowed the "mind numbing pain" thing from_ Eldest_. I was listening to the audiobook, and it was talking about Eragon's back, and how the pain was "mind numbing" and I was like, "Hey! I could use that when Lily's getting tortured! :D" heh.  
**


	21. Chapter 21: Dead

**AN: Chapter title's pretty ominous, eh?**

Chapter 21: Dead

**Lily's POV:**

Once I had accepted the fact that I would die, the pain almost seemed to lessen.

Almost.

I don't know for how long Regulus tortured me; I don't know at what point that my screams were the only noise left in the room.

All I know is that it seemed to go on forever and ever, never stopping except for brief reprieves that would be accented with kicks.

Until finally he stopped once again. I tensed, waiting for the kicks that were sure to come. When they didn't, I chanced a glance upwards, hoping it was not just another trick. I was surprised when I didn't see him leering at me; he wasn't even in my blurred visibility.

Had Regulus left me, then? Left me to die? I heard a noise behind me and turned over, wincing at my bruises and cuts that were forced to touch the floor. I thought I saw him curse and cast a spell at the door, although I cannot be sure.

He seemed satisfied with that and turned back to me.

"Watching me, mudblood? Your eyes don't deserve to see me. Your filth should not be in my presence." Regulus glared and walked purposefully back over to me, raising his wand as he came.

I curled into a fetal position, afraid, even in my half-conscious state. He laughed at my feeble attempt to protect myself, kicking me again and again.

Then, again, the pain wracked my body as I twisted and turned, a silent scream escaping from my lips erupting into a full out wail that hurt my ears, creating an awful headache.

This time, when he stopped, my head throbbed, and I lay there, limp, no longer caring. I could make it go faster if I didn't resist. The pain would leave if I could only let go, if I could… I shuddered at the word and the pain. If I could die.

Regulus kicked me, then used his wand to flick me about in the air. I cried out; it hurt even without the added impact of the unforgivable curse. He released the spell and I fell out of the air, landing on my wrist.

I heard a crack, and a new pain washed over me. I screamed yet again. This was surely worse than the pain before. But when Regulus again shouted _"Crucio!"_ my broken wrist only added more agony.

He flung me into the air yet again, jerking me back and forth, up and down. I was up extra high when a gigantic _"BOOM!"_ rang throughout the room. Regulus turned towards the noise, releasing me from the spell.

As I fell, I saw flashes of light as Regulus dueled with a man, a man with a long white beard and red and white striped stockings. I don't know why I remembered the stockings, but I caught a glimpse of them as his robes spun.

But when I landed, I heard another crack, this time from my leg. I screamed yet again, and the pain threatened to knock me out.

Lights danced before my eyes as the two dueled. I thought I saw a couple boys my age run in who had dark hair and looked panicked.

They seemed vaguely familiar. I pondered this thought as I drifted into a blackness that seemed to engulf my whole being, erasing the pain.

_Who are they…?_

**James' POV (a bit before):**

Padfoot and I ran down the halls after Dumbledore. Sir Galahan galloped through the paintings on either side, egging us on.

When we arrived at the third floor, I slipped and crashed into a suit of armor, sending it tumbling everywhere.

Dumbledore ignored the rolling pieces of armor and blasted open the first door with his wand. I looked inside the room as Padfoot pushed the armor off to the side. Nothing was in the room except for 30 or so desks.

I helped Padfoot gather up the armor as Dumbledore opened the next three doors. We finished and started following him from door to door. Finally, we had walked the length of the hall, and there was nothing except for empty classrooms.

"Is this a prank, boys?" Dumbledore turned to us, eyes glistening with anger.

"No, it's not, Professor!" Padfoot replied, "I promise!"

Dumbledore looked at us suspiciously, but went to examine the wall in the middle of the hallway. Padfoot and I looked at each other, confused and worried.

We stood there for a few moments until Dumbledore said, "I think I've found something. Stay back."

The Headmaster pointed his wand at the wall and muttered a spell. An explosion ensued, and through the smoke we saw Dumbledore walk quickly into an opening he had just made. We ran after him, entering a large room, and saw him dueling with an unknown person that I assumed was Regulus.

It was then that I turned and saw Lily.

She sat on the floor, one of her legs sitting under her in an unnatural position. She looked at Padfoot and me, almost confused.

Then, time seemed to slow down as she sank to the floor.

"LILY!!" Padfoot and I screamed simultaneously. He ran to her, and I started to follow but held back, torn between my worry and love for Lily and my respect for their relationship. I probably wasn't wanted.

I took a couple more steps and sank to my knees, crying harder than I ever thought I could.

All I could think was _Lily can't be dead, she just can't be!_

I hardly noticed when the bangs from the duel stopped, or when the nurse rushed in to bring Lily up to the hospital wing, or even when Dumbledore took me and Padfoot back up to Gryffindor tower.

We sat in the common room, tears running down our cheeks, reduced to silence. At some point Padfoot dropped off to sleep, and I stared into the fire, his snores creating a white noise that eventually must have sent me off to sleep too.

**AN: When he wakes up it's a Saturday, just to clarify.**

I woke up the next morning, stiff from sleeping on a couch. Looking outside, I saw that the sun was just up.

I shook Padfoot awake and said, "We should probably head upstairs and get dressed or something. There'll probably be an announcement at breakfast."

He blinked sleepily and followed me up to our bunks. I got dressed and headed back down to the common room while Padfoot climbed into bed for a little more sleep.

I sat there trying not to think about the previous night until about 9 o'clock when Professor McGonagall, our head of house, stepped through the portrait hole.

Kindly, she said, "Good morning, James." I straightened a little at that. She never called me James, let alone spoke in a kind tone of voice.

"Professor Dumbledore," she continued, "will be making an announcement about what occurred last night during breakfast, but if you do not wish to come I will understand."

"I think I'll come, ma'am," I replied quietly, getting up from the chair, "Can I head down now?"

"Certainly," she smiled, "I'm just going to wake the rest of the house."

I climbed out of the portrait hole and began to walk slowly down to the Great Hall, happy that there were no crowds wandering around yet.

When I entered the Great Hall, echoes of footsteps beginning above me, I sighed.

Today would be a very long day.

**AN: Admit it. I deserve LOTS of reviews.**


	22. Chapter 22: An Announcement

**AN: On a light note, I've been told by some people (namely my wonderful Frenchy friends (Gilkey and otherwise)) that they (Hogwarts students) wouldn't have used inches when talking about their papers, they would have used centimeters. I know that, but I kinda forgot; so I won't go back and change stuff, but from now on I will try to remember that little detail. :) On to the story!**

Chapter 22: An Announcement

**Sirius' POV:**

I awoke to Moony shaking me, staring right into my face.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!" he said, falsely cheerful, "McGonagall's just come and told us that we're to be downstairs for breakfast in 20 minutes! I think there's something wrong..."

"Yeah, it's Saturday!" Wormtail whined, "I wanted to sleep in!"

I snorted, and muttered to myself, "You'd sleep in even if it was Monday."

Moony glared at me (how could he have heard that?), and announced, "Why do you think they're making us all go to the Great Hall? What could have happened last night? I didn't hear anything..."

Oh. Right. I remember what happened last night. I know why the whole school was required to be in the Great Hall.

Lily might be dead.

Right.

I sank back into bed and buried my face in the pillows.

"What?" I growled, when Moony poked me.

"Get up!" he urged.

"No. Go away."

Moony crouched down next to my bed, and whispered, "Look, I can tell there's something wrong. Were you involved with what happened last night?"

I grunted non-committally.

"Just come down with us, alright?" he asked.

"Fine."

When he didn't think I was looking, Moony glanced worriedly at me while we walked, or in my case trudged, down the stairs to the Great Hall.

We entered to happy, chattering students. Or really, not so happy. Most were actually grumbling about having to get up so "early" on a Saturday.

Moony led us over to the Gryffindor table, and seeing Prongs, went and sat by him. Wormtail sat down, but I stared at Prongs.

He knew too.

Prongs glanced up, his eyes red and puffy. I supposed mine were in a similar state.

"So, what happened to you guys?" asked Wormtail, as Moony tugged at my arm to get me to sit down, "Not get much sleep?"

Neither Prongs or I offered an answer. I stared at my empty plate.

Wormtail rattled on, "I mean, you look terrible! No offense or anything... But I could understand if you're tired, 'cause that Quidditch game last night was intense!" turning to Prongs, he said, "It was so cool when you caught the snitch! I thought for sure..."

I tuned him out. Had it really only been last night that we had won our match against Ravenclaw?

Wormtail's seemingly endless monologue was finally interrupted by Dumbledore clearing his throat. The hall fell silent except for a couple of giggling first year girls who quieted soon after.

"Now, you are probably all wondering why you have been roused from your beds on this fine Saturday morning," Dumbledore began, as grumbling rippled through the students, "but a matter of great import has arisen."

A few people perked up, sitting up straighter in their seats. I continued to stare at my plate.

"As you know, the wizard known as Voldemort," I felt, rather than saw, the shudder that ran through the people around me, "is attempting to gather followers. This summer, one of Hogwarts' own students joined ranks with him." I looked up at the other tables.

People shifted in their seats. Others glanced nervously about, as if expecting someone to jump out of their seat and start sending hexes flying everywhere.

"Fortunately, we were able to apprehend this person last night," I saw people relax, and then tense up again as the headmaster continued, "but not before they were able to, shall we say, partially 'complete their task.'" Next to me, Wormtail shivered.

"Their task was to eradicate the muggleborns of this school."

Gasps went up from table to table.

"From what we have deduced, the student used a version of the Imperius curse which allowed them to control the muggleborns only when and where they wanted to. Using this spell, they made the muggleborns of all houses and years go to a hidden room on the 3rd floor. There, they again used the spell to make the trapped students preform the Cruciatus curse on one another."

There was frightened whispering among the crowd. Who, they wondered, could have done such a thing?

I knew all too well who had done it.

"Many students died last night, and the rest are in the hospital wing. Most we are almost sure will recover, but a few are in critical condition and may not."

Moony turned and whispered to me, wide eyed, "Is Lily...?"

"She's in the hospital wing," I whispered back, "She... Well, Prongs and I aren't sure."

He bit his lip and turned back towards the front as Dumbledore resumed speaking.

"If you have muggleborn friends, you may check the list that is to be posted by the entrance of the Great Hall for visiting times. First years may go up now. The rest of you may check the lists in a minute."

A few benches were pushed out, and first years from the Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff tables began to leave the Great Hall. A few people passed where we were sitting, and I saw a girl supporting a crying friend. Others were in similar states.

I watched as the eleven year olds walked up and checked the list. Most hurried off, but one boy cried out and sank to his knees.

When the Ravenclaw boy rushed off in the opposite direction of the hospital wing, I saw Prongs go over to the lists, since we were seated near the door.

**James' POV:**

I looked at the other years' lists first, not wanting to find out what had happened to Lily.

I didn't want her to be dead. She _couldn't_ be dead.

On the first years' list, I saw that there were only a few muggleborns.

One name in particular stood out.

_Attercop, Riley. Ravenclaw._

It was the only name under the section marked "dead."

Glancing at the other lists, I calculated a total of 21 muggleborns who had died.

Not counting the sixth year's list, at least.

At first glance, the list under "Dead" seemed to be longer than all the others. Without reading the names, I counted each section.

One was sure to recover. Four were in critical condition. Seven were dead.

I scanned the list of dead.

_**Dead:**_

_Bakerson, Phillip. Hufflepuff._

_Birch, Regina. Ravenclaw._

_Dricket, Jenny. Ravenclaw._

_Filio, Alexander. Hufflepuff._

_Hadley, Clara. Hufflepuff._

_Hunter, Christopher. Ravenclaw._

_Jepash, Mike. Gryffindor._

_Rabcott, Thomas. Gryffindor._

_Yorlander, Elizabeth. Hufflepuff._

I sighed with relief. Lily wasn't dead. But upon looking at the rest of the list, I wasn't so relieved.

Some girl from Ravenclaw named Ruby was the one who was sure to recover.

"_Evans, Lily. Gryffindor,"_ was in the "Critical Condition: Recovery Uncertain" category.

_Recovery Uncertain._

I walked out of the Great Hall, not even bothering to check the sixth years' visiting times. I just needed to go outside and think; or rather try to clear all thoughts from my mind.

_Recovery Uncertain._

For all that we had done, Lily might still die!

I transformed into a stag and bounded into the Forbidden Forest, not stopping until I was out of breath.

When I had transformed back into a human, I pounded my fist into a tree and sank to the ground, the tears that were still fresh reappearing.

"Not Lily," I whispered, "Please not Lily."

It was getting dark when a big black dog ran into sight, nose to the ground. It looked up and saw me, then transformed back into a human.

"We can go visit her now," Padfoot said quietly.

_Recovery Uncertain._

"What's the point?" I asked him.

He didn't reply, but stared off through the trees as the sun sank below the horizon.

Padfoot turned to me, tears in his eyes, "I don't know, Prongs. I don't know."

Then he turned away and, transforming mid stride, ran back towards the castle.

**AN: -sniff-**


	23. Chapter 23: Recovery Uncertain

**AN: First of all, I would like to thank any of my real friends who are reading this; I love you. :) Secondly, I changed the title (and summary), in case you didn't notice, for a reason that will become apparent later. Thirdly, you probably won't get very many (if any at all) chapters in November because I will be participating in NaNoWriMo. Fourthly, I would like to remind you that my contest is due December 1st, and I haven't received any entries yet... Fifthly and finally, on to the story!**

Chapter 23: Recovery Uncertain

**James' POV:**

Weeks past.

I finally went to visit Lily, but by then she had been moved to St. Mungo's.

My grades dropped and I ate less than I had when Lily had started going out with Padfoot.

Padfoot got skinnier too.

It was mid-November when Lily went into her coma, and there had been no improvement by the week before we were to leave for the winter holidays.

Though it had been so long, the awful words still appeared in my mind.

_Recovery Uncertain._

Perhaps it was the very longevity of Lily's unconsciousness that kept them branded there.

_Recovery Uncertain._

The day before we left, Lily and a couple other muggleborns who were also in comas were moved back to the school because St. Mungo's was busy with holiday injuries. They sent a healer that was to remain at Hogwarts over the break to take care of the three unconscious students.

I hadn't seen Lily since that night, but I knew that I wouldn't want anyone around when I did visit her.

Without telling anyone, even Padfoot, I decided to make a nighttime excursion to the hospital wing.

_Recovery Uncertain._

**Lily's POV:**

I was barely conscious; though my eyes could open and close, I rarely processed what went on when they were open. I could hear, but again, I almost never understood what was said.

I lay there, feeling… nothing. No more pain. Nothing. This was an interesting concept, as all I could remember from the time "before" was the pain. I don't know how long I had been in a painless state, but it was still odd.

But there all of a sudden, interrupting my thoughts, was a light! Where did it come from?

Voices, no, one voice, whispering.

"_Muffliato_."

I closed my eyes. It was only another vision I was having. I fell into sleep, only waking up to find the intruder still there, talking to me. That's funny. Who would be talking to me? After all, I can't exactly respond, can I?

"-and Lily, I promise never ever to go after you again, I'll let you be happy with Sirius, I'll be happy too, just get better! Lily-"

I wondered who Lily was for a moment and why the person had come here to talk to them, but then I remembered that that had been my name.

Before.

I drifted in and out of wakefulness, hearing, though not entirely processing, snippets of what the unknown person was saying.

"I'm wasting away, Sirius is wasting away, everyone miss-"

"Lily, wake up, wake up! You need to wake u-"

"I promise I won't tease you or make you uncomfortable or anything, just get bet-"

"Don't die, please, Lily, pleas-"

"I love you, Lily."

I don't know at what point the nameless person had started crying, but as they bent over my face I felt a drop land on my cheek. This jolted me into awareness, and I heard what they said next.

"If muggle princes can do it, why can't a wizard?" and the unknown student pressed their lips to mine. My heart fluttered, but my eyes did not open, and I did not stir.

The person straightened up, then sighed and walked away. As they neared the door, I heard them whisper, "Please, Lily."

What were they asking me for? Who was asking?

As I drifted back into my dreamless sleep, one word crossed my mind.

_James._

**AN: This part was interesting to write. Thoughts?**


	24. Chapter 24: Home

**AN: I always imagined Mrs. Potter with the same personality as Mrs. Weasley. Also, this will be your only update on the story this month, because NaNoWriMo is under way. Hope you enjoy this chapter! (I know nothing much happens, but whatever.)  
**

Chapter 24: Home

**James' POV:**

I got off the train and was bombarded by a big blue coat.

"Oh, James! We heard- The _Prophet-_"

I looked up to see my mother, tears in her eyes.

I replied half-heartedly, "I'm fine, Mum. I'm really fine."

She looked at me, suspicious, but was prevented from questioning me further as Padfoot stepped off the train.

He was surprised to be greeted in such a fashion, but patted Mum's back as she exclaimed, "Oh, Sirius, your brother! And-"

"It's all right, Mrs. Potter."

Mum reluctantly let go of Padfoot, and looked at us both worriedly. Dad, who had been standing off to the side during this episode, turned to me and said, "Let's go get your stuff."

Padfoot looked hurt, and replied, "I suppose I better go, then."

Mum turned to me and glared. "Isn't he-? Must I do everything around here?"

"Mum? What-"

She looked at Padfoot sadly. "You're coming with us, dear! Do you think I'd let you go back to that family of yours when your brother is probably being carted off to Azkaban this very moment-"

Padfoot and I looked at each other, confused, as Mum continued.

"-and you being involved with it? Why, your mother would murder you! That despicable woman, probably could use some time in Azkaban herself!"

She suddenly realized what she had been saying, and quickly reprimanded herself.

"Not that I have anything against your mother, Sirius-"

Padfoot laughed weakly. "No, I agree with you, Mrs. Potter. But what was it about Regulus going to Azkaban?" I could tell that though Regulus had almost killed Lily, Padfoot still cared about him.

We began to walk over to where they were unloading the luggage, pushing through other students and parents, as Mum replied.

"'Didn't you hear? It was all over the newspapers this morning. _Juvenile Delinquent To Be Sent To Azkaban; Hogwarts: Not As Safe As It Used To Be; You-Know-Who Infiltrating Our Schools._ Some parents are thinking about not sending their kids back."

My mouth dropped open in surprise. "What? But Hogwarts is TONS safer, isn't it? I mean-"

Padfoot interrupted me, and I was so astonished by the fact that he, and not my mother, had butted into my rant that I stopped short. "But Prongs, don't you see? All the parents' whose kids died, or are in critical condition," he winced, "well, other parents don't want their kids to die next! Purebloods, I'm sure, aren't too worried or are on You-Know-Who's side anyway, but muggleborns and even half bloods are in danger! Maybe even blood traitors!"

"Exactly," said my mother, "And that's why we're thinking about keeping you home, James. We are a form of blood traitors ourselves, and we wouldn't want you to get hurt. Why, we-"

I had struggled to keep silent throughout her tirade, but I burst out, "Mum, I'm in sixth year, I'm a pureblood, I've got pureblood friends, I'll be fine!"

People began to stare, but I continued.

"I don't care what you say – I'll find a way to go back to Hogwarts no matter what! I need to know what's going on, what will happen to-"

I stopped. I had been just about to say _her _name.

"What will happen to who?" Mum asked, as my dad grabbed mine and Padfoot's trunks and began to walk over to the designated Apparating area and pretended not to know us, obviously embarrassed by my outburst.

I remained silent, looking at the ground, immobile.

Padfoot saved me from an awkward evening by saying, "We'll tell you about it later, Mrs. Potter."

This seemed to satisfy her, but, knowing my mother, I knew she wouldn't forget. Padfoot pushed me to get me to start walking again, and we arrived at the Apparating area at the same time as a couple other families. We waited until the area was clear to step forward.

Dad commanded, "Grab ahold of my arms, boys."

I grabbed his arm, and felt that extraordinarily uncomfortable squeezing feeling I always felt when I did Side-Along Apparition with one of my parents. After a few more moments of feeling as if I would pop, we emerged on a street corner with a very familiar building a few meters away.

I sighed, for though I was still upset and overwhelmed by everything that had happened over the last few months, in that moment I felt happy.

It was good to be home.

**AN: Happy reviewing!**


	25. Chapter 25: Explaining To Mum

**A****N: OMG, I'm sooooooooo sorry this took so long. My dad had a major knee injury a while ago and so the only computer he can use is the only laptop, which also happens to be MINE, and has all my fanfictions on it. My dad's still on crutches, but I've managed to get my computer for a little while. I'll try to post one tomorrow or Tuesday too, 'cause I feel really bad, making you guys wait. I just have to write it first. :P Also, just so you know, bangers and mash is the english dish of sausages and mashed potatoes, often served with onion gravy.**

Chapter 25: Explaining To Mum

**James' POV:**

Mum made bangers and mash that night and piled high my and Padfoot's plates, exclaiming, "You two seem skinnier every time I see you!"

I actually ate a normal sized portion of my dinner, which was more than I had eaten at one time since the incident. Padfoot did the same. When we both asked for more gravy at the same time, we burst out laughing at how our appetites had changed.

"What's so funny?" asked Mum.

"Nothing, Mrs. Potter, it's just-" Padfoot stopped. Both of us heard the unsaid words in our minds, felt them settle like a dark cloud over our heads.

_It's just that we haven't eaten this much since Lily was tortured and went into a coma._

Tortured. I hadn't really thought about that before. I guess it would have been the Cruciatus, but for how long?

How long had Lily been in pain, in unimaginable suffering?

And what if we hadn't come in time? What if Lily had died?

It was this thought that made me turn down the toffee Mum offered me. I couldn't stomach anything else.

After dinner, Mum grabbed me and Padfoot and told us to help her wash the dishes.

"Mum," I groaned, "We just got back!"

She glared at me fiercely, and I shut up. We had only been washing for a minute when she asked us, "So, why is it that you two will start saying something, and then stop as if someone had died and you just found out?"

"Because someone has almost died, and we found out a while ago," I mumbled.

Mum frowned. "Almost died? What on earth do you mean?"

Padfoot cleared his throat. "What Prongs means," he started, but began again when Mum stared at him quizzically, "What James means is that one of our best friends is a muggleborn, and-"

"-they were in the massacre?" Mum finished, almost at a whisper.

At the word "massacre," I felt like crying. It really HAD been a massacre. I just didn't want to think about it that way.

"Who was it?" Mum asked.

Padfoot glanced at me, but seeming to decide that he was the only one of us who could be intelligible, continued, "Lily Evans, she has bright red hair and green eyes..."

"Yes, of course, I remember Lily," said Mum hurriedly, "She isn't dead, is she? You did say almost dead, didn't you?"

"No, she's in a coma," replied Padfoot, "She's at St. Mungo's."

I excused myself from the room. I needed to be alone.

Slipping out the door, I jogged to a park that I used to play at. With all the snow there were no kids romping around, so I went to sit on one of the swings. Seconds after sitting down, I began to cry. For Lily, for all the other muggleborns, for that first year in Ravenclaw who lost his friend, for Padfoot, for myself. For all the pain, the unjust pain, in this world.

When I came home late that night, I went right up to the room Padfoot and I were sharing. I got into bed as quietly as I could, unsure if Padfoot was asleep or not. When he spoke a moment later, I jumped a little.

"Prongs?"

I turned over so I was facing his bed, and whispered back, "Yeah?"

"Your mum offered to take us to St. Mungo's tomorrow to see Lily, I thought that sounded nice. You want to come?"

I contemplated this for a moment. Did I really want Mum to see me break down in front of Lily? Then again, I could try to hold it in, and I the only time I had seen Lily since the incident was that night in the hospital wing, and there was barely any light there.

"Yeah, that would be nice," I said.

Neither of us said anything more, only shifted around a couple times before falling asleep.

That night, I dreamed the same dream I had been having since the incident - a dream in which we were too late, that Lily had died.

When I woke up the next morning, my pillow was wet with tears.


	26. Chapter 26: A Different Day Than Planned

**AN: I began to write this, and I remembered something terribly important, so this chapter WON'T actually be a visit to St. Mungos, although there will be a visit in one of the next few chapters. Also, this is slightly shorter than usual, but wouldn't you rather have a 600 word (or so) update than no update at all? Plus, I love the end of the chapter ending where it does.  
**

Chapter 26: A Different Day Than Planned

**James' POV:**

When we finally set out that afternoon, it was almost four. The floo networks were down due to holiday travels, and since Dad wasn't going and Mum didn't particularly like apparating, so we took a muggle taxi to a spot a couple blocks from St. Mungos.

"Who are you here to see?" asked the dummy.

"Lily Evans," replied Mum.

"She's currently at Hogwarts due to the increased space that was needed. Miss Evans will be back in a week, on the 26th."

Mum turned around and stared at us. "But you said-"

"Sorry, Mum, we completely forgot that she had been moved."

She sighed and turned around, saying, "Well, we can just come back next week. Since we're out, you two can help me with some Christmas shopping."

Padfoot and I exchanged glances. "Oh, wonderful," I whispered to him, my voice dripping in sarcasm.

Mum whipped around. "You will say nothing more of that sort on this outing or you don't get presents this year," she snapped, "And I mean it!"

So, under that threat, Padfoot and I walked around Diagon Alley (after taking a taxi to the Leaky Cauldron), carrying piles of gifts that seemed to get bigger by the second.

"Let's see, a self correcting quill for your cousin Bert, he's always misspelling things; and oh! James, do you think your Aunt Martha will like this?" Mum went on like this for ages, and whenever we tried to get in a word edgewise, she would glare at us sharply as if we said something to make her invoke her "no presents" ultimatum.

Finally, she handed us each a few galleons and said "Go on, you can do some shopping of your own."

After buying gifts for Moony, Wormtail, Mum, and Dad, I set about looking for something for Padfoot. I finally decided on a large poster of all the Quidditch teams; they were flying around, scoring goals and whacking the bludger at each other. Every so often, one of the seekers would catch the snitch and the poster would go blank except for the team that had gotten the snitch, who would wave for a few moments before the whole cycle began again. Each cycle lasted no more than 10 minutes.

I didn't have much money left, but when I saw a necklace that was the same shade of green as Lily's eyes in a window, it turned out I had just enough.

"This for your sweetheart?" asked the shopkeeper, an old witch whose knees creaked when she bent down to get the necklace from the case.

I pondered this for a moment. "Sort of," I replied, shrugging my shoulders.

"I bet she's going out with someone else, whoever she is, but that you're still in love with her, aren't you, dearie?"

I looked down, biting my lip.

As she handed the package over, the shopkeeper said, "Well, good luck, dearie. No, no," she protested as I tried to hand over the money, "it's my Christmas present for you, and for this lucky girl of yours."

Smiling, I set down a few sickles on the counter. "Well, here's a Christmas present for you."

"Thank you, dearie," she replied with a wink, "Merry Christmas."


	27. Chapter 27: Her Eyes

**AN: This chapter is the visit to St. Mungo's you were all expecting last chapter. Enjoy! Also, I know ward 49 wasn't called the "Janus Thickney Ward" until 1973, but I'd rather call it that than ward 49. This chapter is the longest so far, even longer than chapter 15, which was five pages long or something.  
**

Chapter 27: Her Eyes

**James' POV:**

The days until Christmas passed quickly in a blur of decorating, present-buying, and cookie-decorating. Finally, it was the 25th, and despite the current situation I was excited, as anyone is about the prospect of presents.

Padfoot had gotten me a model of a Cleansweep Three, and it zoomed around the room. The cat chased after it until she fell into the one of the puddings, at which point Mum banished her outside and she skulked around, covered in raisins and bits of gloop.

I got a new scarf from Mum in Gryffindor colors; my old one having quite a few holes in it. Dad had gotten me some Chocolate Cauldrons, and Moony sent me some books. I groaned, as did Padfoot, when we opened the packages to find "How to Study: A Guide For Wizards" inside.

Padfoot was very pleased with his poster, and we spent a long while examining it, even cheering for our favorite teams.

But the real excitement did not come until the 26th; Lily was back at St. Mungo's.

We, again, did not go until late in the day. However, the floo network was working again, so we used that. I went first, and landed right on top of an elderly witch.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, m'am," I exclaimed, and as I helped her up I realized that it was the woman who had sold, or rather given, me the necklace.

"That's all right," she said, "I'm not dead yet!"

That, I thought, was quite an odd statement.

Then, seeming to recognize me, she said, "Oh, hello, dearie! You here to visit your sweetheart?"

That was even odder.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"I have my ways," she replied, and walked off after winking at me. "Goodbye dearie! You might want to move out of the way, someone else is coming out!"

"Wha-" I began, but was knocked over as Padfoot came out of the fireplace.

"Oww," he groaned, "You could have moved, I gave you plenty of time!"

I didn't reply, but stared after the mysterious old woman, but she had disappeared in the space of 3 seconds, and there had been no "CRACK!" like you normally heard when someone apparated. It also wasn't very good manners to apparate in and out of buildings, and I had a feeling that the witch was very well-mannered.

"Padfoot, this old witch, she was there just a second ago, but now she's gone!"

He looked at me as if I had gone crazy. "She probably apparated, Prongs. You know, apparating? You disappear in less than a second?"

"Yeah, I know, Padfoot, but... oh, never mind."

We waited five minutes until Mum came through. "Sorry I took so long," she said, "but I just talked with your father. He thinks, and I agree, that you two should visit Lily by yourselves. Here's money to have tea afterwards." She handed me a galleon which I promptly put in my pocket.

Mum then went back to the fireplace, and Padfoot and I were left in the St. Mungo's welcoming room.

A wizard ran by, covered in oozing pustules, shouting out "Don't worry, I'm not contagious," and "Can I please see a healer?" alternately to passersby. Despite his assurances of not being contagious, there was a wide gap around him.

Padfoot and I laughed. We were going to see Lily today, and we were as happy as can be.

We made our way up to the desk with "Welcome" hung proudly overhead. The Welcome Witch seemed to be just out of Hogwarts, and smiled brightly at us as we came up.

"James Potter and Sirius Black!" I heard her exclaim to herself, and Padfoot grinned at me, having heard it too. Apparently, though we were probably two or three years younger than her, the Welcome Witch still knew of us. I wasn't surprised that she knew Padfoot but was surprised that she knew me, as I had stopped dating and doing pranks in second year.

Maybe that made me more desirable, I thought, as I grinned back at Padfoot.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" she stammered out, and then turned beet-red. This was obviously not what she had intended to say.

"The pleasure is ours," replied Padfoot, grinning. "Actually, though," he continued more seriously, "we're here to visit a friend of ours, Lily Evans."

"Yes, of course," managed the Welcome Witch, still blushing. She searched frantically around her desk for something, until opening one of the drawers and pulling out a file.

"Evans, Lily, is on the fourth floor in Janus Thickney ward, also known as ward 49 or the long term residents' ward," she said, "I'll send down a nurse to take you there!"

"Oh, really, that won't be necessary-" I began, but the Welcome Witch pressed a button labeled "Fourth Floor."

A moment later, a young witch appeared by the desk, having apparated downstairs. She looked about the same age as the Welcome Witch, and was very pretty.

"Alright, where are the dolts that can't find their way to clearly labeled rooms?" she asked, seemingly annoyed. But when she saw that it was me and Padfoot, she shrieked and covered her mouth.

"Is that Sirius Black and James Potter?" she said excitedly to the Welcome Witch, her attempted whisper coming out as a fairly loud rushing stream of words.

"The very same," said Padfoot, sticking out his hand to shake.

The witch shook his hand vigorously and said, "Well, if you'll just follow me, then!"

She still had a hold on Padfoot's hand, and he coughed loudly. The nurse looked down at their hands, and quickly broke apart, blushing furiously. Looking back at me, Padfoot rolled his eyes.

"Who are you visiting?" the nurse asked, her cheeks still pink.

"Lily Evans," Padfoot and I said simultaneously, and laughed.

"Wow, you're Miss Evans' third visitors today!" the witch exclaimed. I glanced back at Padfoot, surprised, and saw my expression mirrored on his face. Seeing our look, the nurse continued, "First her parents, and then a nice-looking blond boy who said he was a friend of hers; he left her a present."

"Moony," Padfoot whispered to me, and I nodded.

By this time, we had arrived on the fourth floor, and we walked in silence until we arrived at a door labeled "Janus Thickney Ward For Long Term Residents" in large bold letters, with "Ward 49" in slightly smaller letters underneath.

"Now," said the nurse, acting and looking more professional than she had since we met her, "I don't know whether or not you've been told, but a couple days ago Miss Evans began waking up every so often, though only for a few moments. If she does wake up while you're here, however, don't expect her to remember you; she's been unconscious for a long time."

My eyes widened in surprise. Lily was waking up, Lily was getting better!

The nurse opened the door quietly, and we walked past a row of beds that were mostly empty, though some had patients lying in them. The last stretch of beds was empty except for a couple people way down at the end.

"That girl, now," said the nurse, indicating a black-haired girl with Ravenclaw colors decorating her bed, "Was also one of the muggleborns in the attack. She's showing no signs of improvement; we may have to declare her a permanent vegetable."

"Vegetable?" Padfoot asked, laughing.

"It's really not funny," said the young witch, "It means that all she's ever going to do for the rest of her life is lie there and be monitored, and if the breathing apparatus gets detached, even for a few seconds, she's dead. Her parents are devastated."

"Oh," I said quietly.

"Well, here's Miss Evans," the nurse said coldly, no longer flirting at all. Apparently, Padfoot's laughing at the fact that the Ravenclaw girl was a vegetable had ruined her feelings towards him. "I'll be up by the door if you need anything."

Padfoot and I stood there in silence, the news of the "vegetable girl" hanging over us like a dark cloud. My only comfort was that the nurse said that Lily was waking up sometimes; that Lily would not be declared a vegetable.

Finally, I reached my hand into my pocket and brought out the necklace, thankful that it hadn't broken in my many tumbles earlier. "Hi Lily," I said quietly, "I brought you a present."

I moved closer to set it on the table beside her bed, but paused a moment, gazing at the bright green gems that so matched Lily's eyes. I wished fervently that Lily would wake up while we were here, even if only for a moment, so I could see the pure green in her eyes which, in reality, the necklace only faintly echoed.

As if she could hear my thoughts, Lily opened her eyes. The world stopped for a moment as I drowned in those cool green oceans, and began again when she opened her mouth and said slowly, in a voice like someone coming out of a long sleep, "Oh. Hello..."

**AN: I was going to stop here, but I haven't updated in a while and since I'm writing anyway, I thought I could make this a double chapter kinda thing. This note is here to create a sort of pause, though, which is good.**

Padfoot and I just stood there, gazing (and gaping) at the girl that we were both in love with.

Padfoot recovered first. "Hey Lily," he said hesitantly.

"Lily. Li-ly," said Lily slowly, seeming to taste the word, letting it roll around on her tongue, "Lily. That's my name, isn't it?"

Padfoot nodded, grinning, as I stood there, silent and immobile, the necklace still in my outstretched hand. Lily smiled back at Padfoot.

"And you," she continued in a still sleepy voice, directing her words at Padfoot, "You're, you're..." Lily paused to think for a moment, until her face brightened and she exclaimed in a voice that was as far from sleepy as you could get, "You're Sirius!"

Padfoot grinned wider, "I'm not serious, I'm as happy as can be!"

Lily puzzled over Padfoot's outburst until, realizing that it was a joke, she laughed.

It was amazing how calming that laugh was. It was saying "I, Lily Evans, will get better," if it was saying anything at all.

Then, Lily seemed to notice me for the first time, though she actually noticed the necklace first.

"What a pretty necklace!" she exclaimed, "Who's it for?"

"It- it's for you, Lily," I said, holding out the necklace to her.

Lily reached out for it, then looked at me, her eyes questioning. "Why?"

"It's a Christmas present," I said, smiling. Having been unconscious, she probably didn't know that it was the day after Christmas.

"Oh," Lily said, taking it, though the look on her face was still troubled. She examined the necklace for a moment, before glancing back up at me. "But why from you?"

"I- well-" I stammered, confused, "I'm your friend, can't I give you a Christmas present?"

"I know you?" she asked quietly.

My throat closed up in shock, and it took me a few moments to be able to speak. Then, with a feeling of dread permeating my entire body, I said shakily, "Of course you do, Lily! I'm James!"

When her face remained blank, panic began to rise in my chest, and I said, become more and more hysterical with each word, "James! James Potter! Don't you remember your friend James?"

I stopped, feeling the dread and panic encircle me, making an invisible cocoon in the air.

Lily glanced around the room as if her memories of me were hidden behind the curtains, under one of the beds, in the pattern of tiles on the floor. Finally glancing back at me, she said, her clear green eyes troubled, "I have no memories of a James Potter." Then, almost as an afterthought, she whispered, "I'm sorry if this upsets you." Then, as if the search of her memories had tired her out, Lily lay back onto her pillow and slipped back into unconsciousness, her eyes the last things to shut down.

Her eyes, which now represented the epitome of sorrow and pain.

Her eyes, whose pure, clear color I saw as I sank into the chair beside the bed.

Her eyes, that brought me to tears and blurred my vision as the words played over and over again in my mind.

_I have no memories of a James Potter._

As each word plunged an icy dagger into my heart, Lily's eyes as they had been at that moment filled my vision, troubled, but unsure what her words would mean to me.

This was worse than when I had read the list of muggleborns and seen Lily in the "Recovery Uncertain" category, for though was now beginning to recover from the attack, she was missing her memories of me, she was a puzzle missing a piece, incomplete.

The only thing worse would have been if she had become a vegetable.

Any joy I had felt when Lily had awakened was long gone, and I felt empty, as if the slightest gust of wind could blow me away. The only thing holding me down was the pain, the daggers that sank into my chest and stayed, the new daggers that appeared every time those words, those eyes, came into my brain.

And what made it worse what that they would not, could not, leave.

_No memories,_ my brain repeated, _I have no memories of a James Potter._

I swallowed hard to prevent any more tears, and said to Padfoot, "We should go."

"Are you sure you're alright, mate?" he asked, "We can stay for a while if you want to cool down-"

"No, let's go." I couldn't bear to be near Lily any longer, couldn't bear the thoughts that kept on coming, drowning me in a sea of sorrow.

"How was your visit?" said the nurse as we came up. Then, seeing my face, she murmured, "Oh, I see."

I remembered that she had said that Lily might not remember us. But I had not really prepared myself for it – I had been in her life for so long, I had not expected that Lily would not remember me. But her words said, all too clearly, that she did not remember, and possibly never would.

_I have no memories of a James Potter._

The words rang in my head as we walked down the stairs. I barely noticed anything; the Welcome Witch and nurse's goodbyes, the trip through the floo network, the food Mum served that night at dinner. It wasn't until that night, undressing for bed that I realized that we had forgotten to have tea - the galleon was still in my pocket.

"How was your visit?" Mum asked while we ate, as I chewed dully on a piece of something – I wasn't paying attention to what I was eating, but was only doing it out of necessity.

"Fine, Mrs. P," said Padfoot.

"It was worse than fine!" I wanted to shout, "It was horrible!"

But I didn't say anything and the meal continued in silence as Lily's words, Lily's eyes, ran through my brain.

_No memories._

**AN: So, congrats on getting through that approximately five and a half pages of chapter. I thought it was pretty good - what about you guys? Review, please! :)**


	28. Chapter 28: Cranky and UNHAPPYFACE

**AN: OMG NEW CHAPTER!! Sorry for the wait, you guys!!! I'm just caught up in school (which is now out!!!), fanfics that I'm working on with friends (_And Then The World Exploded_, a Shugo Chara! fic, _Alibi_, etc), and my ideas for when I end up rewriting this (like the OC I'm going to put in and stuff). Anyway, here's your much-awaited chapter. Sorry it's a bit short, but there's something UBER important in the AN at the end.  
**

Chapter 28: Cranky and UNHAPPYFACE

**James' POV:**

Padfoot went back to visit Lily a few times over the rest of the holidays, and I never asked if she had mentioned me for fear of the answer. One day, however, I didn't need to ask, as Padfoot came bounding into my room, almost jumping up and down for joy.

"Padfoot, stop jumping about like a three-year old!" In my sorrow, I had become more likely to lash out at people.

"Prongs, guess what? Lily remembers all of us," I gasped when he said that, "and the teachers – Peter, Remus, me, McGona-"

In my excitement I interrupted him, "And me? She remembers me?"

His face fell, as did my hopes. "Well... no, Prongs. I'm sorry. I forgot-"

"You forgot about me too, then? You forgot that I existed, you forgot that Lily DOESN'T REMEMBER ME? That she doesn't know I ever EXISTED? Well, if this is all the news I'll get, don't tell me!" A part of me felt sorry for yelling at Padfoot, but mostly I couldn't stand knowing that Lily didn't know me.

"Prongs-!" Padfoot exclaimed as I rushed out of the room. I slowed as I passed by the living room, where Mum and Dad were talking.

"Oh, James, Sirius mentioned that Lily would probably be moved back to the hospital wing at Hogwarts because she's feeling better! Isn't that wonderful news?" Mum said, glancing up.

I nodded, not trusting my voice, and walked to the back door as quickly as I could. I found myself going once again to the park I had gone to on our first night back for the holidays. It seemed fitting, somehow, as Padfoot and I would be heading back to school tomorrow afternoon.

Though it had been about a week, the thought of Lily's eyes as she said she couldn't remember me hurt me just as much, and I felt sick to my stomach as I lay down in the freezing snow under the swings. Though I tried to let my thoughts stray to other subjects, everything led back to Lily.

I became so overwhelmed by all these thoughts that a sudden wave of nausea suddenly swept over me and I turned and watched as my dinner cascaded onto the snow. I threw up again, and then when my stomach tried a third time, it found nothing left to regurgitate. After using a cleaning spell, I got up and walked away from the spot, feeling a bit guilty.

It was late, so I tried to sneak back in without Mum or Dad noticing, but Mum was still up, folding laundry. "There's milk and cookies in the kitchen if you're hungry," she said without looking to see who it was, "Tomorrow I expect you and Sirius packed and ready to go by noon. Be a dear and bring up this basket, will you? It's the last load for your trunks."

I stuck a cookie in my mouth and another in my pocket, grabbed the basket, and trudged up the stairs. Padfoot had fallen asleep, his head on his trunk, reading a muggle magazine that appeared to have lots of bikini-clad muggle girls. Removing my clothes from the basket, I finished packing but left room for my toothbrush and other such things that I would have to grab in the morning.

Before I turned the light off, I put the cookie on a piece of paper near Padfoot's head, then thinking better of it, scribbled, "Sorry," on the paper.

Thankfully, I had no dreams that night.

**AN: Okay, James just needs to go to a muggle doctor and get some anti-depressant meds, seriously...but it's so much fun to write characters when they're in pain!! Except I'm kinda tired of trying to come up with more ways to describe how crappy James feels. On a different note...this story is becoming increasingly more difficult to write, in that I'm getting a little tired of it. I DO want to finish it though, and I do have ideas, but I also kinda want to rewrite it to make the beginning better (cause the first 5 chapters or so (maybe more) are really crappy), but then again I want to finish it before I start rewriting or else I'll never finish it. So, in light of this fact, I have decided to ask you (my readers) to help me answer this question. THE QUESTION: Would you all be okay if I brought in the OC that I want to add when I rewrite it in now, late in the story, but before I rewrite it? I would provide a bit of bkg info so you could all get to know her a bit, and it might just end up being little snippets of her, but it would be nice to have the option available if I'm feeling stuck. Before you make your decision, here's a little bit of information about her: her name is Hazel Marinia, both her parents were wizards but her grandmother was muggleborn, she is very short, changes her hair color frequently, and is clumsy. :) Thanks!**

**...wow, sorry for the long AN.**


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